Similarity in a Relationship – Reblog

similarity in a relationship 2

   What kind of relationships are the best? The ones in which the two of them are the same? Or the ones in which the two of them are very opposite and they complete each other? Which ones have a better chance in long term and why?

   We do like when we find someone who appreciates the same things we do and in the same time we do like people who are different and from which we can learn, but which one would be a better life partner? In my opinion, we have a better chance for a great relationship with someone similar with us. This is because being similar with someone will make you see all things in similar ways which will create similar thoughts and feelings about those things. Why is this important? Well, it’s important because having similar thoughts and feelings will make you have a better understanding about how the other thinks and feels. If you really understand (not on a cognitive level, but you feel you understand the other), you can be there for your partner and you can offer support to each other.

   This applies both for the good things, but especially for the bad things. I’ll ask you this: how can you truly understand your partner getting through bad times if you don’t see those times as being bad? How could you understand his/hers thoughts and feelings if you have different thoughts and feelings about that particular situation (maybe even opposite thoughts and feelings)?

   If you both like the same things, you’ll be able to truly enjoy yourself doing things together. If you both equal see a situation as being bad, you’ll be able to understand and support each other, but there is a risk. When something is really bad for both of you, you’ll be both down and it might be harder to get back up. The alternative might be that your partner doesn’t see that situation being that bad and you’ll feel weird and strange and this might get you even worse than before.

   Looking in perspective, I think there are better chances for a relationship to be great and long-lasting if the partners are the same. The higher the similarity, the higher the chances.

What do you think about this? How important it is for the two to be similar?

25 thoughts on “Similarity in a Relationship – Reblog

  1. Maybe you are true. When we make friends, then we chose people similar to our interests and who are like us. That’s why people with similar thoughts can do better in a relationship as they have a sense of friendship.

  2. I agree with you. When “opposites attract” typically it is two codependent individuals seeking out qualities they are lacking in themselves. Rather than working on themselves and having a good relationship when they are ready, they seek out these things in others.

    1. True! And the thing is that they won’t probably develop those skills by themselves which can be frustrating. Assuming they develop those skills by themselves, they might be then off to find others that have the skills they lack. It’s a tricky road.

  3. I like similar, it makes it easier to communicate and set boundaries.
    But sometimes its exciting to think of different and the new things I can learn and be challenged on, the new perspectives I may see because of this person.
    If I had to choose; similar is safe and my comfort zone (I will probably sanely choose this), different is risky and therefore I will have more shock learning (I will spend time wondering what would have happened here).

  4. How about this: I would say the most basic things are important to be pretty much the same. The common values and goals. But without some differerences it will be pretty plain and boring. Nothing to discuss about.

    1. Differences will always be because we have different upbringing so there are no two people exactly the same. I think the important thing is in which areas those differences exist.

  5. There’s no simple answer to this. I think responding to various situations in a similar fashion helps you bond with your partner, so some level of similarity is helpful, but partners with differing perspectives can broaden each other’s thoughts. You need a little bit of same and a little bit of different.
    My partner and I are very similar and for the most part, this is a good and useful thing, but occasionally, like you said, “When something is really bad for both of you, you’ll be both down and it might be harder to get back up.”

    1. Yes, exactly! I’m not a big fan of 100% similarity which doesn’t even exist since we are all different. But I think we need to be similar regarding the core values.

  6. Great question. But difficult to answer. It might be more complex than either similar than different. Perhaps two hateful people coming together wouldn’t work and maybe two loving people might. Interesting to think about.

  7. Agree, been with a guy for over two years it’s just ended because I feel like I learnt everything I could from him and we were left with not much else. I definitely would prefer someone similar to me next time around x

    1. It would probably be easier with someone similar because it would be easier to understand that person and for that person to understand you…

  8. I think there should be some similarities, especially around core beliefs, but I don’t think more similarities in a relationship makes it more “successful”.

      1. For lack of better word, yes; but one’s “survival” really is a “self”concept. Wouldn’t you say so?
        Maintaining self health (mental & physical) in able to interact efficiently with others.

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