The Confidence Problem.

The other day, I wrote a longer comment on a ‘Question of the Day’ post, all about confidence.

So I thought I’d say a couple of more words about this…

We are all familiar with classic situations where we know we MUST ‘be’ or ‘act’ confident (usually because we’re told so). Job interviews, dates, presentations blah blah blah

Even though we rationally know that we’re meant to be confident in situation XYZ, it still always remains a bit of challenge for us to actually be confident.

Here is what came up to my mind recently…

How am I supposed to be confident when I have nothing to feel confident for?

You see, the problem with confidence is that, many live under the delusion that confidence is gained through an unshakeable I-know-it-all attitude. Other’s think it comes from some sort of cosmic journey they need to go through or reading a ‘Top 10’ article on the Huffington post.

If we go back to the above question, this implies that the search for confidence is rather something coutnerintuitive.

The reality is, is that confidence comes from feeling comfortable about the fact that you’re not confident. (Read this twice) 

Remember the first time you went into a job interview?

Odds are, your confidence was rather sh*t.

In this case, the key is to be okay and comfortable about the fact that;

(A.) You’re not confident.


(B.) That this is okay, because really, you don’t have anything to feel comfortable about in the first place.

The lesson here is, that there is pretty big power in being in peace with your weaknesses. Get comfortable with the fact that you have weaknesses and soft sides that may not be favorable to everybody.

You were not born to be confident by adjusting to everyone’s life, but to be confident by who you truly are.

Confidence comes from being okay with being imperfect. 

Thanks for reading,


23 thoughts on “The Confidence Problem.

  1. This reminds me of when I had a job interview with 8 people. There was a place to hang up our coats right in front of the door where the secretary opened the door for me. In my haste and nervousness I didn’t realize I only half put the coat on the hanger. What a great impression that was…

  2. It comes down to fostering that type of thinking in children when they are young. We keep telling them to do this or do that where the youth in high schools don’t know how to think for themselves and only regurgitate information.
    We have to let our children make mistakes make their choices so they learn from their own mistakes and not “oh my mum did this or dad never did that wah”.
    So kids learn to trust themselves but also not baby them when they make mistakes so they learn to build resilience and continue on. Then when they are adults and actually are “in the world” they will have their life time of knowledge and learning of how to navigate the world’s possibilities.

    1. I talked with one teacher once. I asked:
      – what is you job?
      He said:
      – to give knowledge.
      – Wrong.
      – WT…?
      – You should give students chance to make mistakes and to give knack and eager desire for getting knowledge themselves.

      The teacher was angry. 🙂

      1. Interesting! I would say his job isn’t to make students feel shit when they fail at something, but rather teach them that failure often is the way forward.

      2. LOL I just say to teach kids. I just want them to know it’s going to be fine, and (maybe I shoot myself in the foot by saying it) if they’re really passionate about something then to make sure they’ve got a plan. Make do with what you’ve got until you’ve got the chance to prove yourself. Because unfortunately the current education system only perpetuates the class divide.
        I like to talk to kids about what they want. And try to bridge the gap by finding middle ground. I make mistakes all the time, and I make sure to laugh it off so that way they feel less anxious about making mistakes themselves.

  3. Yes! I think you are on to something huge here. As a believer my confidence is in Jesus Christ, not in myself, and He tells me His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Part of my recovery has been a list of Bible verses that remind me of who I am in Him, which is both humbling and settling me into an acceptance of myself just as I am; which ultimately has been resulting in a feeling of more confidence, and less faking and posturing of myself, as well.
    I think that an ‘unshakable know-it-all attitude’ (as you mentioned) comes across as arrogance, not as confidence. 😊

  4. “You were not born to be confident by adjusting to everyone’s life, but to be confident by who you truly are.”

    I know for me I have to learn to be confident in myself first before I can be confident in social situations.

  5. Very inspiring!
    It’s of great importance to accept ourselves.
    Sometimes I find when I stop blaming myself for not being confident, brave,hardworking,etc(Wow, why did I spend so much time blaming myself?), I feel More calm and I start to take action!

    The essence of accepting ourselves, I think, is stopping forcing ourselves to fight with the weaknesses.

  6. I am reminded of the American Drag Artist “Bob the Drag Queen” who was asked about her self confidence and where it came from. She said (I’m paraphrasing) “Just find one tiny bit of yourself to love. Maybe it’s your tooth. You love that tooth, it’s perfection in your face, it’s color, it’s shape… And then you let the love spread to the rest of yourself.”

    That includes our flaws. I won’t say I love my flaws, but I know how to work with them, and around them, and that givees me more comfort than expecting some “perfection”.

  7. Read and enjoyed this post last night and then read this quote this morning ‘it’s not about being fearless, because that’s impossible – what we have to do is find out how to manage our fear, and be free of it’ (From The Book Ninja quoting Four from Divergent)

  8. “Being at peace with your weaknesses” – that rings true so clearly for me, it’s something I am actively trying to do each day 🙂 Great post, thanks for sharing

  9. Read something similar recently too – self love is the only love there is.
    We just have to learn to love and accept ourselves first. That’s when we can really move forward.

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