Do you know that if you put a crab in a bucket, it can run away, but if you put together a group of crabs in a bucket, none of them can escape, because as soon as one will start climbing, another will reach it, grab it and pull it down?
Some people are like those crabs. They push you down, while others pull you up.
That’s why you should never hang out with crabs. If you want to change your life, change your relationships first, especially if you want to be successful.
But what do I mean by being successful?
Most of us actually think that success is having a lot of money, a beautiful car, a big house in a prestigious area, a super gourgeous, nice and rich partner. Usually successful people are also famous, they can be actors, great sportsmen or business people.
We take these ideas from the various media, television in the first place. Advertisements and programs make us see unreal worlds and at the same time they make us want all those things that we think would change our lives and transform us into successful people.
I think that success is about fulfilling your dreams and living according to your values.
From this point of view, I consider myself a successful person. I have accomplished so many things (and many I still want to accomplish) that I wanted to do since I was a teenager and that match with my values. For example, building up a family: I got married and I’m still married after almost 28 years; I have a son; I do a meaningful job; I live in a city that gives me the chance to get to know different cultures; I studied a lot and I still want to study a lot to learn and better understand the world and the people.
I am not famous but all the things I have done led me to live a pleasant, fun and serene life. Obviously I have my ups and downs and my difficulties like everyone else. But this does not change my idea of being a successful person. I did the things I believed in and still believe in. I went ahead despite the difficulties. This is another meaning of success: the ability to keep going, always, despite everything.
And you can also call it resilience. Think of children when they learn to walk. They fall and get up, again and again but for sure they do not think they will never be able to walk because they have fallen so many times! They keep on going, falling and getting up because the final goal is so important. Maybe sometimes they get hurt and cry, but they won’t give up, they want to learn to walk. And one day they will succeed!
Spending time with successful people who care for you, will help you build up a life that fulfills your dreams and matches with your values.
Therefore, don’t go with crabs, those that try to pull you down. After spending more time with successful people, you will learn a lot from them. They are contagious!
Keeping away from crabs, protects your reality and will let you follow your dreams and your values.
What is your dream? What are your values? What fills up your life?
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Don’t hang out with crabs! I love this!
I removed the crabs from my life years ago when I saw they were only too willing to tear me down and keep tearing me down. I was told years ago that dreaming of being an author was just “pie-in-the-sky” ideas and I should forget it. Guess what I did? I mailed them a copy of every book I wrote, as each one came out. That person tried to say they were proud of me, that they always believed I could, but hey, I remember the past. I’m very happy in my life now, I have reached goals I really wanted to and have created a life I’m proud to own.
Well done Tamara! Congratulations for all the books you published. We should always believe in our abilities and not listen to others, even though sometimes it’s very difficult not to be negatively influenced.
Very true! It took me years to get over the things I had been told, to realize that what they said to me was a projection of their own inner world and wasn’t a reflection of my future capabilities.
What a thoughtful reflection Tamara, that is was a projection of their inner world. Many people are simply jealous because they are incapable of looking ahead.
Yes! It took me a long time to understand this!
Great message Cristiana. I never knew this about crabs, out its certainly sound advice that makes sense. I also liked the way you define success; that it includes not being overcome by obstacles but to become resilient. Maybe not what you were thinking, but with your mention of a child learning to walk … there is no notion of failure, nonotion of defeat. When did we become defeatist- it seems we lose resilience as we age? Time to recapture that self-belief 😁
It’s true, children cannot think about failures and defeats. Beautiful comment Brenda, thank you!
So true
Thank you Lorenzo!
I know a lot of people who have this “crab mentality”. Sad to say, some of them are my relatives. I think that’s why I mostly stay away from them
Relatives are the most dangerous, I heard of stories with families that are difficult to believe, but they happened unfortunately. Of course there are also very nice and supportive relatives. Thank you for commenting Maria!
Crabs are contagious! What a lovely perspective you’ve provided here about what it means to be successful – and I love your centered and grounded definition. Beautiful – and congratulations!
I think that any environment we live in influences us, for the good and for the bad. Therefore, why don’t we choose the good one? Thank you for your comment Wynne!
I didn’t know this about crabs! What a great way to describe certain people. Great post Cristiana!
Thank you Todd!