Written by SnapDragon X. All rights reserved. Copyright 2019.
My name is SnapDragon, and I have anxiety.
(Hi, SnapDragon.)
It sucks. But itβs true.
The first time I realized the out-of-body, paranoid nervousness I felt was anxiety, was roughly seven years ago. It happened while I was teaching my high school English classes.
It was awful.
For no particular reasonβin fact, it had been a successful and happy dayβI felt trapped. I felt like everyone was watching me, judging me. Every time my classroom phone rang, I just knew it was the principal delivering the message that I was fired.
For. no. reason.
It was, in a word, insane. I had precisely zero reasons to feel this way.
But after much reflection (and professional help) I realized that I had been living in fight-or-flight mode, everyday, for years. Inner city teaching + inner city living + commuting an hour each way twice a week for graduate classes = complete havoc on the nervous system.
I hadnβt realized that I was more or less holding my breath through every moment of my day, waiting for relief. Waiting for a bowl of pasta, a shower, and sleep.
But, dear friends, I got through it.
And so will you.
While I no longer live and teach in the city, I still have bouts of anxiety. They often hit when things are seemingly at their best, and then I remind myself that the other shoe could drop at anytime. Surely, things could not be this easy.
You spoke too much at the meeting.
You sounded self-righteous.
Youβre a disappointment.
Youβll never get everything done.
No matter where we go, anxiety lurks like a thief in the night.
But we cannot let it win.
So I focus on my breathing. I sit outside in the morning sun. I stroll the isles of the grocery store, enjoying the scents of artisanal breads.
I remind myself, as clichΓ© as it sounds, that this too shall pass.
The bluebird of happiness will return, love.
. . .
What strategies help you when anxiety hits, Dear Reader?
Thanks for this post. Anxiety is terrible to deal with. The best I do is try my best to “forget about it.”
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Damn anxiety! But we do find ways to get through.
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Most welcome!
I used to think I was just a worry wart but I also think I’m getting a phone call from someone that’s going to tell me I’m in a lot of trouble (for what? I never know). Positive thinking (so hard to start), reading, and being outside around the trees have helped me. Having kids made my anxiety go crazy I think so I have really had to change my thinking about all kinds of stuff and fight it head on. I have a great support system so I have had a lot of help. Good luck to all who worry.
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Anxieties, worries, concerns, it affects us more now than ever because the world is moving at such a faster pace; be more productive and less efficient, be more aggressive and less effective. But we have to take time out for ourselves. I had to learn a while ago if my job literally is the cause of my bad health, let it go. Cuz they damn sure wont be there when I explode or implode; they’ll just fill that seat and keep going.
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I try to figure out which specific thought / idea triggered the anxiety. Often I discover that I assume or predict something that doesn`t need to become true or is even not probable at all. In many cases, there is no reason for anxiety. It is just an emotion and a temporary bio-chemical reaction. It is not more than important itching skin.
It also helps to remind oneself that anxiety doesn`t last long time – 10 min and the wave is usually gone. Who cares? Anxiety comes and goes…radical acceptance.
Sport, sleep, chatting or any other distraction helps. I don`t like to recommend eating but yes, admittedly I`m an emotional eater.
Anxiety is no huge problem to me. There are bigger ones. This knowledge helps too.
πΈ ππππ πππ ππππ ππ πππ‘ππππ’ πππππ “πππππππππ πππππππ ππππ”. π±ππππππ π’ππ’ππ πππππ: ππ’π πππππππππ’. π²πππππππ πππππππ’/ππππππππππ π ππ’π ππ ππππππ ππ πππ ππππππππ ππ πππππππ. ππππππ πππ π’πππ πππππππ! π
Thank you.
Of course, it would be desirable to eliminate triggers like toxic thoughts and believes but that`s quite difficult.
In general, I am convinced that we shouldn`t take ourselves and our sensitivities too serious.
We and our mental state are not the center of the universe.
Somebody who frequently circles around his own belly button, won`t perceive anything of our surroundings – and is finally not able to see the horizon, chose a destination and to go ahead.
Actually, many people with anxieties are afraid to let their fears go because they are afraid of taking responsibility for their lifes and of change. Diseases can be a comfort zone despite of the suffering that is at least well-known.
I, too, have anxiety, but I mostly have learned to manage it. I think it might begin with some who have traumatic or unstable childhoods, as mine was. Exercise, I have found, works wonders. Thank you very much Snapdragon for sharing the story of your personal battle with his all-to-prevalent struggle.
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ππππππ ππ ππππ πππ π’πππ πππππππ. π
Troy I agree, exercise really helps. I think being outdoors in nature at the same time is even better.
I feel your pain. I used to teach high school (I quit in June 2018) and it caused me near daily anxiety. Even though I’m no longer threatened with classrooms, I still get chest pains when I see the Back to School inventory roll out in the grocery stores.
Just thinking about teaching high schoolers makes me anxious. I don’t know how anyone does it. Thank you for your service (and all current and former teachers reading this!)
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I have turned to spirituality and it helps me a lot to know that I do not control most things. Once I am done with what is in my control, there is an acceptance cup into which goes everything else that is outside of my control. I use this phrase often “Beat Fear with Faith”. When all else fails, I just talk to my DH and ask him to listen and not give me coping mechanisms. Sometimes having someone just hear you out is helpful. When people start offering advice, the problem does not seem real enough so I ask my hubby to not offer ant suggestions but just to hear me out. I also meditate every day and things that used to bother me earlier do not anymore – I am less anxious. Thanks for sharing your journey with anxiety – it is real and kudos to you for being vulnerable.
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The reply you posted is rendering as boxes on my computer. Anything I need to do to decipher the text? Thanks.
Sorry about that! I downloaded some fonts; I guess it doesn’t always work. π€·π»ββοΈ
I just said thanks for reading and sharing your strategies! Mindfulness definitely works wonders. π
sounds like you have found an effective way to deal with anxiety.
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I try to focus on breathing at first. Is this something that is outdistancing “box ” breathing? Can I identify the source? One the source is identified, can I do anything about it? If there is something I can do, then I hop to it. Sometimes that takes brainstorming. TBH, when it’s something out of my hands, that is most often when that anxiety demon kicks into overdrive, and laughs hysterically at the sanity cops (copes?) it leaves shaking fists in it’s wake. It’s at this point, I have to reset. Watch the kittens practice pouncing in the bad yard. Watch something mindless. Listen to music that gives me joy. I have to carve out a space where anxiety isn’t going to fit. Then I can reclaim the good stuff.
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Very succinct writing – this definitely captured my experience, thank you.
I used to teach, I now work with small groups of teenagers to improve their reading age. I changed because the pressure of teaching really exacerbates anxiety because, with the pressures of the education system in the UK, you were usually being watched and judged constantly. Thoughts, as you’ve said are very common and difficult to disprove anyway with anxiety! It is a mammoth task to get the children to the level they were supposed to get to and required your whole life and energy and too often, your mental health as well.
My most trusted strategy now is to ask, “Is that actually true? Come up with one piece of evidence to show that that thought is true”. Or I tell my wife the thought and her astonished face is usually enough to disprove anxious thoughts for me!! It’s taken many years to be able to take a step back and do that though.
Thanks so much for reading, and for your comment. The pressure on educators you describe is very much alive and well in The US. Thank you for your continued effort to support students! π
Thank you for sharing your struggle! Fight or flight mode is no joke and wreaks havoc on your ability to cope with stress! Keep up the work-because you’re right, it will pass!
Thanks so much, friend. I appreciate your comment! π
great post. I’ve been there and can relate as I also work with children and at times have hectic schedules. Being present like you’re doing walking in the bread isle and being outside is a good coping mechanism. I use that a lot every day to keep my mind from wandering . I also try to do at least an hour or more of something outside or in the gym because that helps me tremendously. I think it’s because I have ADHD also so my brain can be either super tired or wired depending on anxiety and ADHD Brain that day. I get the racing thoughts too and they’re very hard to turn off. Writing has helped a lot in,coping with my anxiety and being active . Those two things I feel help the most.
Thank you for your comment! Those sound like great strategies. I need to remind myself that exercise always helps. But I struggle with the act of getting started! π
That is a nice way of dealing with anxiety, my friend is bipolar and all she asks me is to listen to her. When I listen to her she says “I think now I can concentrate” and she can work continuously for more than 3 hrs after that. She such an intelligent lady and I always tell her she’s just a sharp thinker. Thanks anyway. Blessings!