“When you stay upset on someone, you give your emotional control to that person every time you think about her. You’re allowing that person to control your emotions from a distance. By not forgiving her, you’re allowing that person to control your emotional life as if she would be with you in that moment and the situation is happening all over again.” – Brian Tracy
This paragraph has put some perspective in my thoughts. I’ve never thought about it this way. Isn’t it strange how someone can control our emotional state without even being there? And it’s not even that person who controls it. It’s our own representation of that person which reduces that person to some temporary behavior that got us mad in the first place. And actually, it’s not even about someone else. It’s about our response to our interpretation of a situation.
“Holding a grudge is like letting somebody just live inside your head rent-free.” – Royce Da 5’9”
When I remember something that got me mad and I’m sensing that I’m getting mad again, I’m “injecting” to myself the following thought: “Everybody has the right to an opinion. The fact that I’m mad has nothing to do with the other and it’s in my control how I choose to feel about this. I can either try to understand his/hers point of view or I can stay mad which is not helpful”. And it really helps. The moment I take the responsibility of my own emotional state from the others and I’m placing it to myself with this method, I’m calming down.
There are times when we’re getting mad because we can’t control the opinion other people have and this lack of control creates a feeling of insecurity. Shifting the responsibility also shifts the control back to us and that’s why we can get calmer.
How many grudges you have hidden in yourselves? Ask for rent or evacuate them.
28 thoughts on “Holding a grudge?”
Wow.. Great information..👍
I don’t like grudges, it feels heavy and I’m too lazy to carry it. 😉
I’ve never thought about that, but it’s a good approach :))
Thank you! 😀
Grudges makes people feel sad sometimes.Its draining of energy..Nice post 🙂
Yes, you’re right. Thank you! 🙂
You are welcome 🙂
Insightful. I too find this to be somewhat enlightening, which demands attention. Good find.
Thank you! 😀
Nice post. Holding grudges are of no use and it’s just spoils one’s mood and energy.
Thank you! Yes, I agree.
“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” — Malachy McCourt. I can testify to the experience of this one. Did it for many years and suffered health problems as a direct result. Letting go was the best thing I ever learned to do.
This is so true! Thank you for this quote! What did you do to ease the letting go process?
I went to therapy to unlearn everything that was killing me. Best decision I ever made. Surprisingly easy too, once you decide you want it badly enough
As Will smith said: Just decide and act upon that decision.
Exactly. It really is just that simple.
Well spoken. More grace
Thank you! 😀
This is one of those things that are easier said then done. Like I know I shouldn’t let it take up my personal head space but it does. I tend to not hold grudges but it doesn’t keep me from getting annoyed.
Yes, it’s easier to be said than done, but once we’re realizing if and how much it’s affecting us, we might want to do something about it. Are you referring to the fact that you’re getting annoyed when you remember some situations (past)? Or do you refer to the fact that you’re getting annoyed when you talk to someone (present)?
This is very helpful. I’ve never thought of grudges as surrendering emotional control to the other individual.
I’m glad this is helpful! This idea really puts things in perspective for me.
Kinda easier said than
done, but a great post.
Thanks! Yes, it is, but we need to start from somewhere, right?