Hi there! How are you?
Sometimes, unexpected news that can change our entire life comes and shocks us. What I noticed in those moments is that they do not always devastates us. In fact, sometimes, I deal with these kinds of sudden changes better than smaller adaptive changes. Why?
I think the answer lies in labeling. When the change is noticeable enough (big and sudden), we label it as a change. If it is sudden, we also admit that we have to accept it. No time to resist. So we start looking for ways to adapt to it. But if it is small gradual changes, we may not even notice the change until it is big enough for us to notice. Or we may notice it but not mind it because it is small. But when it is big enough, we resist it because it was small before and we cannot accept the big version of it.
That thinking also goes for our problems. If an experience is big enough (let’s say someone is overtly harming us in some way), we label it as a problem and look for solutions. However, if it is more subtle (for example, covert harm or manipulation), then we may not see it as a big issue and not mind it until we cannot accept it anymore.
And that is why solution to any issue should start with defining the problem.
What do you think?