Hi everyone,
Happy Sunday!
My recent experience showed me that you can get all you want and be the richest person in the world, but if you don’t have anyone to share it with, it does not mean much. This is a (unfortunately) new understanding for me because I have always been goal-oriented (goals that did not include family or friends) and I have not been isolated this much.
With that new understanding, I want to prioritize people that are already in my life more from now on. I am not sure how to do that, because my family is too far away and my friends are also leaving now (we finished school at the same time, so now is the time everyone goes to a different place). Currently, I do not have a good idea on where to start, which sometimes gives me feelings of regret that I should have done these much earlier when I had more people around me. But better late than never.
The way the world is set up now pushes us towards more isolation. Individuality is generally celebrated more, which is not a bad thing, but it becomes one when it becomes the primary goal of life. It was my goal of life for years, and I can say from first-hand experience that it is not ideal.
Let’s discuss our lives: what we prioritize in life, what we could have done better, what we can do about it now etc.
While individualism is often celebrated, there’s usually something going on in the background. Some kind of connection with that person which allowed them to be where they are now. Maybe it was speaking to a friend, finding a tweet, blog post or video. From the outside, it might look like individualism, but they actually connected with someone.
True. I think pure individualism is not possible or desired.
Cheering you on to your new chapter 🙂
Thank you!
life i went to mass and then at library yelled at a homeless woman. you were saying?
Hi Betul, I can relate, and was actually going to write a blog on this same topic. When I came to my new apartment in a new city this past August, I promised myself to join every possible group so that I would quickly meet new people who shared my interests. Now it’s September and I’m finding there are limits to what I can do, and still keep up with work. So every day, the one constant in my life is the computer. I signed up for in-person guitar lessons, but have backed out a bit on joining trail clean-up groups, for example….and have yet to find a choir. I do agree with you that the U.S. especially, with its frenetic commercial pace, pushes all of us in this direction and that we have to really swim upstream to counter it. I would argue that we can keep doing that, i.e. joining groups – I found a writers group at a library in my other town that was WONDERFUL- maybe you have one? And also, we can ask our legislators to consider that maybe we don’t all want a society where everything is open all the time…We should maybe request more holidays!?! A week off for the climate? Let’s keep each other posted on our efforts. Good luck to you and don’t give up!
We are in similar situations! Honestly, I tried joining groups but I am at a phase of my life where I need direct social support, like family or close friends. Joining general groups is not helping much, but I will keep trying. Also, let’s keep each other posted!
Hello, Betul,
You shared many insights in this post. Thank you for helping to draw our attention to what is important. 🙏
Thank you, Arthur!
An interesting post, which takes back to where I was in my 20’s, 30 years ago.
I would say that the important thing is to be comfortable with who you are, then everything flows from that. People will find you, rather you having to find them, but you need to read the signs.
Yeah, I think I am trying to read the new signs that come along my way and not sure whether I am reading them right.
Sounds like a healthy reevaluation of what is truly important! I would suggest the app ‘MeetUp’ for finding local groups. I have joined a book club and a vegan group for example and have made new friends that way. Also it’s fun to get out and do different things. I have met people who I wouldn’t usually speak to or really interact with which is always interesting!
I am doing that too, but it is not cutting as well as it used to. Maybe I need more time to form closer relationships through these.
Hi Betul!
I agree that the World seems pushing more towards isolation and individuality, and I believe this is a real problem, because what is more lonely than being an individual in a crowd of individuals? Nothing is lonelier than being in a crowd, and it’s so bizarre that being surrounded by others should make us feel so isolated. Such privacy though! Everyone has a camera pointing at everyone else, turning us into ‘likes’ of anonymity. Perhaps it’s time to walk alone and embrace the quiet for a while? You’re used to the noises of others, and feeling their absence, but it feels like you’ve been getting ready for this, now here it is. Now what? Did you just get a cat? Someone on here did, I think it was Troy. Pets can be great for filling in the gaps. My cat is old and sick, but I don’t know if I’ll get another pet when he dies. I’ve had pets of all kinds all my life, and maybe it’s time for me to move into a different emotional state as well. As long as I stay away from kids giving away free puppies in front of the market, I will be Ok. Maybe. 🙂
I am indeed in the ‘now what’ phase. I got a cat actually and I am grateful that he came to my life. I want to embrace the quiet but I am so not used to it that it has been very challenging for me. But it will be ok
As someone with a history of active neuroses, my history is also one of prioritizing myself. It’s the nature of the beast. So what I work on now is trying to think about other’s more than myself. In practical terms, it often comes down to listening, especially without interrupting.
Yes, that is really the essence of it all
Betul, you are not alone in your feelings of isolation. Since the pandemic, many people are feeling isolated and suffering from depression. My brother, a psychologist, reports having many new patients due to their isolation during covid.
Robert and I moved to a new community just before the pandemic. We both got covid and long covid very early on. We are both at high risk and fully vaccinated and boosted. We have not really gotten to know many people here. We don’t go out unless we must, and we wear masks indoors when we do go out. Whatever the reasons, isolation is not very pleasant.
You could follow your interests and meet new people with whom you have something in common. If you have time, you might consider volunteer opportunities in your new community. I too will be looking for ways to connect once the pandemic is no longer a threat. Best of luck! <3
Pandemic indeed hit us hard. It isolated a world that was already isolated. But you are right. We can still do some things. But I also feel like a part of me is not as willing to do those things. The pandemic made me lazier.