Pointless Overthinking

How to Love the Unrecognizable Part of Yourself

“When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.”

Easier said than done, right?

To love yourself at the current moment is complex enough, but what about who you used to be? What about the parts of yourself you aren’t proud of? What about the tedious pieces which still need tending to?

To truly love yourself, you must accept the unrecognizable part of yourself as well. These are the parts we condemn and pretend don’t exist. They may manifest from insecurities, ignorance, rejection, regret, shame, guilt, etc.

Self-love is the most paramount, powerful project we work on in our lives. It’s an eternal effort. There’s no point where you can say, “I have arrived.” No matter how much work you do today, there’s always going to be work waiting tomorrow. But isn’t that the fun part? Disinterest is…. death?

Without a doubt, there are times I haven’t been the most proud of. Times that make it tougher to accept my full self. But what I am the most proud of? My growth and my open mindset. Look at who I am today. What I stand for. What I advocate for. My values. Surely it’s more of an accomplishment to experience growth than to start and end in the same place. Maybe I’ll look back on this version of myself 10 years from now and *facepalm.* But that amount of self-improvement is indeed the intention, isn’t it?

Love is what makes life worth living. Self love is the first pillar. So this Valentine’s Day, let’s take an extra moment to appreciate, love, and accept ourselves today, too. You and me together.

How have you been learning to accept yourself? What does self-love mean to you?


“To find the good life you must first find yourself.”

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts <3

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My personal blog can be found here.

105 thoughts on “How to Love the Unrecognizable Part of Yourself”

  1. Pingback: How to Love the Unrecognizable Part of Yourself — Pointless Overthinking – Poems & Prose

  3. I really love myself for who I am and for who I am becoming to be in the next ten years🙏🙏🙏 all we need to is to embrace our mistakes and past when it comes to our memory
    This make is to love each other the more🌹🙏

    Reply

    1. Hi Omoleye, I completely agree 🙂 Although it can be hard to embrace my mistakes I am working at showing more compassion for myself. It’s second nature to give compassion to others, but when it comes to myself I am my biggest doubter/negative voice. Here’s to making steps to progression! Thanks for sharing 🙂 <3E

      Reply

  4. I’m still learning to love myself, or at least some shades of my character. I’ve always been shy and quiet, I’ve struggle a lot to change until when I realized I could just make little improvemenets but not big revolutions. It’s not easy, but looking back I see how much I’ve learnt and I’m proud of the values I’ve been growing up with. The difficulties come when you confront yourself with the rest of the world, and 90% you will feel different… but the following step is to love that differences, because that is what we truly are. Beautiful post for this day!

    Reply

    1. Hi Ehipenny, I have the same predicament. I, too, am still learning and trying to accept my whole self. I’ve realized I can be my own biggest challenge. What scares me is realizing new things that I wish I could’ve realized years earlier. I’m constantly trying to find this perfection when all I really need is to be content with being my true, whole self. Here’s to making those little improvements. Thanks for sharing 🙂 <3E

      Reply

      1. I understand, I think it’s something everyone experiences at least once.. How many times I realized I would have taken different choices if I had knew the consequences? But then I came up with the conclusion that life is just this 🙂

  6. I don’t even know who I am now. My oldest (25 years old) passed suddenly in Sept. I’ll never be the vibrant, outgoing person I was before then. I have a grief therapist who is helping me with coping mechanisms. I’m lucky I have my family and husband who are also holding me together when all I want to do is fall apart.

    Reply

    1. I should say that I ‘like’ that you were able to even post your response to EL’s writing here, given what you’re going through. I can’t even imagine, but I’m sending you some Love, and love to your son too. Pretty sure we can always use that.

      Reply

    2. You don’t have to know who you are right now because firstly you are a grieving parent. This loss is keen and deep. You are coping by grieving. Your spirit is still living and breathing for you are reading about things which can help you and your spirit is responding. Prayers to help you on your walk.

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    3. Hi Aimee, thank you for sharing. You are so strong. I can’t begin to imagine the grief you are going through so I am glad you have your family to help each other through this tough time together. You all need each other. Your son’s spirit lives on through your family and in your hearts always. I wish for you and your family nothing but peace and love. Sending light your way, E <3

      Reply

  7. Beautiful post and perfect for Valentine’s Day, E. L. Jayne! Whenever I think about self love, the voice of Whitney Houston singing “The Greatest Love Of All” and the lyrics “Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all” starts playing in my head. In the song she sings that it’s easy to achieve, but I’d say for me it hasn’t always been easy. I know it’s necessary though and I’ve found it’s something that has grown with age over time. Thanks for your thoughtful post today. ❤️

    Reply

    1. Self-love is indeed an eternal struggle. It certainly is for me. We can’t ever hope to live in the light without acknowledging our darkness – and to “love” the whole of our Self, our humanity, with all its flaws and self-delusions, requires a level of self-awareness and humility that few, I imagine, could ever truly acquire. That’ must be why self-pity is so much more readily available to us. 😁

      Reply

    2. It hasn’t been easy for me either. I used to, and in a way still do, think that being hard on myself is a form of self love. Surely it helps me achieve “greatness” (whatever that may be that month), but I have a hard time balancing my urge to push myself with being happy with where I am today. I have wondered how deeply age plays a role in this, as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to accept myself in ways I wasn’t aware I wasn’t accepting myself before. I’d like to ask, how has age played a role in your journey for self-love? Thank you for sharing 🙂 <3E

      Reply

      1. That’s a really good question, E. I’ve been hard on myself too. I can’t put a finger on a specific moment, but I think beating myself up had been like an internal form of abuse and I think over time my soul finally said “Enough. This isn’t healthy or helpful”. I once asked my Uber driver what brought him joy and he replied “Being at peace with myself, liking, and knowing who I am. Everything else spirals up from there.” It stuck with me that loving ourselves is the way to achieve inner peace and joy. I wrote about it here. https://wordpress.com/post/acuriousfirefly.com/330

  9. Thanks for the Love messages, EL! Me, I am looking forward to self-loving my way through some of that discounted chocolate tomorrow. 🙂 Yes, I am simple that way.

    Reply

    1. Maybe not simple, but informed! You know what will make you happy and you’re planning to do it, congrats! Hoping you’ve found your way to that discounted chocolate by now 🙂 <3E

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  10. I, too, have begun a journey of self discovery and it can be hard. I started looking at my past through the views of those I had thought hurt me, and realized that it is possible that I was the one hurting others first. Whether I can make excuses that I was deflecting or protecting myself no longer matters. Instead, I take stock in the fact that I have made mistakes, I have been hurtful, I have negatively impacted others’ lives, even if unwittingly. Learning that about myself makes me sad, but it also allows me to grow and to be more aware of how I treat others. I never want to treat any one that way, intentionally or not, so I must be more aware of my own actions, and love myself despite those mistakes in the past.

    Reply

    1. Hi Kimberly, thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to look at yourself through the lens of others, so kudos to you for that. I feel like that really resonates with me and there may be some work I can do in that area as well. No doubt, I have hurt others in the past and I want to learn from it so I can positively impact those around me. I am hesitant to reflect on negative memories of my past because I loathe the feeling of being associated with who I was then. But that’s not going to change, and I am trying to learn to become more accepting of those parts of myself I may not be proud of. It’s the growth that matters. Thanks again for sharing 🙂 <3E

      Reply

  12. “Self-love is the most paramount, powerful project we work on in our lives. It’s an eternal effort.“

    This has been my experience too! I have come a very long way from where I was and there are days when I need to nurse myself back.

    I now know how to do it, for which I’m extremely grateful, for I lived through years when I didn’t and the inner pain I suffered was at times very dark. I’m grateful now that I made it through.

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful message! We all need it!

    Blessings,
    Tamara

    Reply

    1. Great to see you here, Tamara 🙂 And, of course, thank you for sharing. I, too, feel there are days I’ve come a long way from where I started on my journey of self-love. Then, the next day, I’m back to where I started, which feels even worse because I start to think what I was doing wasn’t working. Do you have anything that helps you get through, or minimize, this painful volatility? There are periods I’m feeling great and then something happens and the world comes crashing down. Thank you <3E

      Reply

      1. Keep going. Keep speaking kind and gentle words to yourself! It’s very normal to have these swings, I had them too when I was starting my own journey. These swings feel terrible. The good news is that by continuing to speak positively to yourself, the swings become less and less extreme. The downward spiral isn’t so deep or so long. Keep going. You can do this.

      2. As we do this work of teaching ourselves to think more positively we’re developing new Neural Pathways. With more and more practice these new Neural Pathways become stronger and stronger, while the old ones build from negative thoughts become weaker and weaker.
        Keep going! Keep working on speaking kind words to yourself, saying positive affirmations, and suspending judgment of yourself! You will keep retraining and rewiring your brain!

        Blessings!
        Tamara

  14. HappyValentine’sDay Ellie!!💜💜
    Such a powerful message.
    II think for me, part of my learning has been to not focus on how others view me. I’ve been too sensitive to being judged.
    When I remember to love myself, I can forget about the uninformed opinions and judgment of others.
    Grazie for an impactful post !!❤️🌸❤️🌸

    Reply

    1. This part especially resonated with me: “To truly love yourself, you must accept the unrecognizable part of yourself as well. These are the parts we condemn and pretend don’t exist. They may manifest from insecurities, ignorance, rejection, regret, shame, guilt, etc.”

      Reply

    2. I also feel too cautious and sensitive to being judged. And when I realize I’m acting this way, it doesn’t feel good for my self-esteem or self-respect. It’s hard not to worry about what others think of us, because we’ve been taught that over and over. Hopefully we can both find some middle ground in there. Ti amo! <3E

      Reply

  15. Suze Orman shared a related message today – start with self love and Renew that feeling every day 🧡🧡

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  16. Self love is really the foundation of all love. How powerful it is! I ache for people who do not feel it. Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Reply

    1. Hi C, thank you for reading 🙂 Self-love is really powerful and I am in the midst of my journey. How have you learned to love and accept your whole self? Love and light, <3E

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  17. You are absolutely right when you say there are parts of us like insecurities,guilt and shame we have to learn to accept ourselves despite of that and keep growing into a better individual each day…. Lovely post 😃❤️

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    1. Hi Sakshisoni, I think that’s the crux of it all for me. I have no problem loving and accepting the parts of myself I’m proud of, the parts others have deemed “acceptable.” But the parts that I’m ashamed of, have hidden for years, neglect, those are the parts I need to accept for me to truly love my whole self. Thank you for sharing 🙂 <3E

      Reply

      1. I am still working on it. Firstly, to accept those shadow parts I first have to know them. Si that’s why I am finding out what triggers me, what brings anger in me and what causes pain to me. What are the things that I still fear of? By knowing all these I can slowly cure them.🙂🙂

  24. Self love like you said is an everyday ritual. Today you feel good about yourself and then tomorrow things change and you feel not so good about yourself.
    I believe loving your self even when you think you have failed or when you feel least proud of yourself is the key…after all its easy to love the best versions of self

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  26. How to love the unrecognisable part of yourself- what a profound thinking ! True its not easy , but I as much we acknowledge there is an unrecognised part of us then we are on track to find a solution ! Its ok to make mistakes ! 👍👍

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  28. There’s so much goodness in this post without any of the fluff trying to pad around it and make it seem “bigger”. Is already as big as anything we need to hear.

    “Maybe I’ll look back on this version of myself 10 years from now and *facepalm.*” – We will all have many of these moments in our lives! 😆

    Reply
  30. Pingback: How to Love the Unrecognizable Part of Yourself – VHIALONE

  31. My Past 2 years taught me about self love . When I see myself now and those times I just see myself as a improved person.i still need to improve a lot .this topic”self love” is really close to my heart . And this “self love” drives me at right direction in my life ☺️

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    1. Indeed, it’s so much easier for me to accept and love others for who they are, but when it comes to myself it’s a bit more difficult. It’s a struggle but a beautiful one.

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  41. Great article, very encouraging. Self love to me is about being patient with yourself and congratulating yourself on the little mile stones you reached in your personal development, no matter how small!

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