The Two Fears that rule them all

Drawing By Adrian Serghie

The human behavior is so unpredictable that understanding seems impossible from time to time. If you have a quick look world-wide, you’ll soon realize there are so many situations that seem SF, you’ll feel the need to double-check if you’re watching a movie or not.
So today I’ll mention my two fears that rule them all (sorry for the Lord of The Rings pun, but it’s been on tv lately and it seems I can’t shake it off) and I kindly ask you to say if you feel the same or not.
My first fear I want to talk about is the fear of screwing things up. I keep double-checking my behavior in the search of the perfect one even though I know that doesn’t exist. I’m afraid not to say or do something that will make my life disappear (not possible, but I didn’t say it’s a rational fear). Maybe it has something to do with the fear of judgement or that I’ll lose my “reputation” (whatever that is)? Right now, once I wrote this down in an almost logical way, it doesn’t seem that powerful (yeeeeey!).
My second fear is not doing enough things so I can fulfill my biggest potential (which I’m not even aware of). I strongly believe each and every one of us can do great things in life and that’s what I want to do. I want to achieve the best version of me (and my life) that I can. However, this might make me do stupid things and the fear described above gets activated.
So you see my dilemma? One fear pushes me to do certain things whilst the other pushes me in the opposite direction. There are times when it’s so God-damn hard to find a balance, that I feel like leaving everything and run (a thought that activates the first fear, since it would imply me to lose everything). But if I don’t do things, my second fear gets activated…
Being human is so hard… why can’t I be a cat? It would’ve been easier to “fulfill my destiny”.

Do you ever feel the same way or it’s just my own pointless overthinking acting here?


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37 thoughts on “The Two Fears that rule them all

  1. This. Exactly. Fear of not reaching my potential and fear of trying at all because I “know” I will fail. It’s tricky. Great post.

      1. It definitely works. Fear and anxiety stem from an overactive amygdala in the limbic system of our brain. That little nugget is only supposed to be active during short immediate threats but enlarges overtime due to prolonged fear. A large amygdala contributes to anxiety and fear and gets in the way of thinking clearly. Meditation has been proven scientifically (through multiple brain scans) to literally shrink the amygdala.

  2. ALL the time. But if I write it out (thank you, Brain, for some way of processing) and figure out the “What’s the worst that can happen?” scenario – and then smother that with a heaping dose of reality…. well, things become clearer. I can do more, I can be better. I don’t actually give a hoot what other people think of me, because that’s theirs to deal with. Sure, I can, and have failed, repeatedly. I also get up, and try again, repeatedly. Sometimes I need more help than I like to ask for. I have to suck that up, and be vulnerable. Am I the best version of myself? Not yet, but I’m getting to my core, and that’s good.

      1. Well I’m aware it’s my mind overthinking. I want things to be perfect all the time and yet I know that’s impossible. I have a chronic illness that’s taken so much of my mobility. I can tell you I’m starting something new and long overdue. You make action and goals you keep to every day.

      2. Thank you. I’m starting a whole new chapter right now and I’m trying to take it all in. I feel joy which it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way.😄

  3. It’s not just you. Your pointless overthinking is not pointless at all. I can’t deny that there are many times that I have felt the exact same way. The conundrum of life, perhaps? Wanting to do more, and yet being afraid that in doing it, we won’t do it right?
    I have all the questions, the answers to most continue to delude me.
    Sometimes, I will just do nothing at all – for fear of messing up. So unproductive. And it leaves me dissatisfied. I no longer dwell in that place though – I deal with it, and move on.
    Sometimes I take a giant leap of faith – and find that even if I don’t get it right and suffer the inadequacies of failure, there’s still a lesson 😉
    Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose – it’s all about how I play the game though. Will I lay down in my defeat and be miserable, or will I learn and take another chance somewhere along the line.
    As I am sure you have read before on my blog – I remain ever hopeful.
    Quitting is never an option 😉

  4. Hi Bogdan, I experience those fears myself (although I don’t know if they’re my two biggest).

    In relation to the second fear — “not doing enough things so I can fulfill my biggest potential” — I find it helpful to recall the “Laozi-ist” principle that achieving one’s greatest potential may often require doing fewer things.

    Maybe it also takes some pressure off, thus helping one (a) to overcome to fear of screwing up the things one does do, and perhaps even (b) not to screw them up.

    1. I totally agree that doing fewer things will help with this and I’m a big supporter of doing fewer things… My difficulty comes when choosing those things. So many of them seem appropriate for me :)))

  5. Hi, I just feel everyone is having fear, for me there are two types of fear’s which drives us.
    1. Fear of Death: what will happen if I die?
    2. Fear of Life: what will happen if I survive?
    if we overcome these two, life will be life again, The second one is with us all our life, most of the time.

      1. For me Complete surrender to the life in its present form is the key. Just surrender to the situation and let the life go on. Getting something or not does not matter as life will change its form and we have to start it all over again. Looking fear as a friend may help but it will again rise.
        Life is nothing but the changing forms with the help of birth and death.

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