Holding a grudge? – Reblog

“When you stay upset on someone, you give your emotional control to that person every time you think about her. You’re allowing that person to control your emotions from a distance. By not forgiving her, you’re allowing that person to control your emotional life as if she would be with you in that moment and the situation is happening all over again.” – Brian Tracy

Drawing by Adrian Serghie

This paragraph has put some perspective in my thoughts. I’ve never thought about it this way. Isn’t it strange how someone can control our emotional state without even being there? And it’s not even that person who controls it. It’s our own representation of that person which reduces that person to some temporary behavior that got us mad in the first place. And actually, it’s not even about someone else. It’s about our response to our interpretation of a situation.

   “Holding a grudge is like letting somebody just live inside your head rent-free.” – Royce Da 5’9”

When I remember something that got me mad and I’m sensing that I’m getting mad again, I’m “injecting” to myself the following thought: “Everybody has the right to an opinion. The fact that I’m mad has nothing to do with the other and it’s in my control how I choose to feel about this. I can either try to understand his/hers point of view or I can stay mad which is not helpful”. And it really helps. The moment I take the responsibility of my own emotional state from the others and I’m placing it to myself with this method, I’m calming down.

There are times when we’re getting mad because we can’t control the opinion other people have and this lack of control creates a feeling of insecurity. Shifting the responsibility also shifts the control back to us and that’s why we can get calmer.

How many grudges you have hidden in yourselves? Ask for rent or evacuate them.

19 thoughts on “Holding a grudge? – Reblog

  1. This is exactly what I am feeling right now. Some people just hate me for some reasons and in return, I hate them back and they just keep on spinning into my head. MAybe if I forgive them, it will be better.

  2. Eventually all grudges should be gone. Life would be lighter if we have an open mind to accept that everyone is entitled to emotions – regardless positive or negative. When we learn to let go and reflect, it’s really not that bad.

  3. I really love how you said “evict them”. I would say I have around 2 grudges which I’m trying to work on. I’ve been finding it difficult to let go but it’s so draining.

  4. Great post, holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick……….guess what? they dont suffer we do. Love the quote “Holding a grudge is like letting somebody just live inside your head rent-free.” – Royce Da 5’9””

  5. Being angry in also very nonsensical. Anger is intended to demonstrate that we want to do “harm” to the object of that anger. But by holding anger within us, we actually do damage to ourselves. It’s pretty commonly understood that anger is self-destructive. Anger boomerangs back on its holder.

  6. Great post! In the past I have also realized that letting go instead of holding a grudge would not legitimize the persons action but instead give me peace. I published a post on my blog searchingforconfidence.com about the issue of bein yourself and it would be awesome if you checked it out! All the best wishes

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