Question of the Day – No. 183 Posted on October 23, 2018October 14, 2018 by Troy Headrick What do you do to handle rejection? Share this:TwitterFacebookTumblrLinkedInRedditPinterestPocketTelegramWhatsAppSkypeEmailPrintLike this:Like Loading...
81 thoughts on “Question of the Day – No. 183”
I’m not very good at it. If it’s an acquaintance or stranger, it really doesn’t bother me. When it’s family or loved one it’s a huge struggle.
Is it the same regardless the reason behind that rejection?
Hmmmm not sure. Possibly? Weirdly enough, if it’s family and harsh, I go into fight/flight mode.
Yeah… emotions can “possess” us faster and easier when it’s about our closest people.
Move on… 🙂
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell
Love that quote
Let’s not forget that we can create doors where are now walls 🙂
“When we begin to build walls of prejudice, hatred, pride, and self-indulgence around ourselves, we are more surely imprisoned than any prisoner behind concrete walls and iron bars.” Mother Angelica
It’s something about a family member rejecting a thought or idea that I’ve put such care and love into to see it tossed away(that’s how I see it); I just recently let hubbs be my beta reader; now if it were a stranger, wouldn’t bother me as much
Interesting. Why do you think we get so affected if we’re rejected by our loved ones compared to when we’re rejected by strangers?
I think we get so affected by a loved one(s) rejection because they’re supposed to love and support us no matter what; at least that’s the theory….and most of the time they are supportive yet constructive criticism is still support…i think we want them to always say “great job” even when it’s bad, but we know it’s bad and we what the truth yet we get the truth and we’re shattered because we feel like we let them down…if that makes sense
It totally makes sense. Criticism is also a way for our loved ones to show their support. Actually, it can have a better impact in the long term compared to “great job”, but it is indeed more hurtful when we hear it due to the emotions involved.
Push people away, usually. Reject them before they can reject me.
Until very recently…I grew tired of letting fear of rejection ruin my life…so I’ve been putting myself in situations over and over again where I can be rejected…it gets easier and easier to deal with.
I think building self esteem is important too…if you know that you’re a worthwhile person, it’s not quite so devastating when someone else doesn’t.
Me too 💕
Just knowing yourself better helps this process. What is the biggest rejection you’ve faced so far?
Probably rejection from a guy I was in a relationship with when he realised I wasn’t perfect. But that kind of rejection isn’t really about the guy…it just triggers stuff from my past that I haven’t quite processed yet.
Avoid situations in which rejection is possible. And don’t expect anything anyway.
Avoiding might not be helpful in long term because rejections will eventually come in different areas… maybe putting yourself in situations to get little rejections so you can get used to it might help?
It’s a struggle, but I learn from it.
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned from a rejection?
No matter what others think I have to be true to myself.
It depends which area of my life I’m being rejected in. If it’s regarding a job position, I’ve been able to tell myself that there is something greater for me out there. Something that is a better fit for me. Then I remind myself that someone else was just a better fit for that and or they possibly needed the job more than me.
If it’s regarding personal matters, that’s still something I’m working on. It depends how I think I’m being rejected. I sometimes act out and end up doing or saying things I regret.
Why do you think you get so affected when the rejection comes regarding a personal matter?
Rejection is like criticism. It’s a part of daily life. Everyone has to learn to deal with it. Have faith and keep believing that something better is coming for you 😊
Nice touch! I think rejection is a part of criticism because each rejection involves some background judgment even if we know it or not. This is critical thinking, don’t you think?
If it’s something that’s so important that it bothers me, then I read, look for feedback, and try to comfort myself.
So you try to evolve through that rejection 🙂
Well said! It is best to learn and evolve from rejection so that you know why they (whoever they are) didn’t like you. This helps in deciding if what you did was bad and you want to fix it OR maybe “they” didn’t deserve your differences at that time.
Get over it
By appreciating what I have in my life 😃
Do you manage to do it right away or you spend some time thinking about it?
That depends on the rejection.
I try not to be offended and listen and if there is something to learn from it take it. Even if it is invalid or valid, I try again.
I think we can always learn something from it and it’s either something about ourselves or about that person/situation.
Try to learn the reasons why and to see the decision from the other’s perspective…after I calm down and tame my arrogant outburst of course.
That is what I try to do too. Of course, I’m just a human so I fail sometimes (by failing I refer to the fact that it takes longer to do this than it should).
For me it depends on where the rejection is coming from. If it’s someone I feel close with rejecting me, I don’t handle it well. I tend to retreat and internalize because I feel inadequate. If it’s rejection from people I don’t really know or rejection regarding a job I am able to rationalize it and move on quickly
I believe this is happening because we have the emotion filter on so we see things from an emotional point of view when it comes from our close ones, a thing that doesn’t happen when it comes from strangers.
Not well. I feel the sting all over. Then, I overthink it over and over. Then, I try to move on by working on something else. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
You feel this regardless of the source of rejection?
An opinion is neither right nor wrong, I just appreciate what I have rather then what I don’t.. so be it.. that’s life every where, the pros and cons of the ‘beings’
There are, but we usually want for us to be right so much that we don’t care about all of this, which is very harmful for our mental health.
Yes our mental well being is a great emotion that needs looking after in order for our physical health to be good!
I like your questions , you inspired me today
Thank you! I’m glad I inspired you 🙂
I’ve worked in sales and have been single in the past. I learned to accept rejection and made up the difference in volume.
How did you manage to accept it?
You accept that rejection is the majority of what you will face, especially in sales, but if you increase your sample size you will occasionally get a “yes.”
Rejection is a biggie for me as I didn’t have a solid accepting/loving base as a child.
But there is a Hebrew axiom, I am just paraphrasing it here (not sure the exact wording): ‘walk into the future backwards so you can see all the times God showed up and rescued you in the past’, and so after the initial sting and pain, I usually try to remind myself of all the times in the past when what seemed like rejection turned out to be the best thing for me and/or others.
Awesome! Yes, when we look in the past we can see how the painful moments helped us. We cannot see it in the present, but if we realize that this will turn out to be helpful somehow, it might ease the pain.
Rejection is redirection. Trust it.
That’s right! We missed the door and we got into a wall. We just need to find the door.
I don’t usually give people the chance. I pre-reject myself for them. This can take the form of self-deprecation, self-criticism, or just plain avoidance and withdrawal.
And you do this in their eyes or in your eyes?
Hmmm… perhaps it is more about SELF rejection.
I would be lying if I pretend it doesn’t affect me. My temperament is such that my emotions show quite clearly in a fraction of a second. So the hurt and pain show up first! I then go through all the stages from denial to anger to dejection to finally acceptance. With age, I am becoming better and go through these stages faster. What used to be years of wallowing have turned to days now. But every rejection hurts. Only the degree of pain varies.
Yes, it hurts, but I’m amazed by your ability to get over it by a matter of days. How many days you needed to get over your last rejection?
I have faced rejection in almost all the areas you can think of! So the choice was either wallow forever or let it go. My practice of Vipassana meditation taught me Detachment. And I use it the most to come out of the hurt. I know it sounds too saintly and cliched. But when you are left with no other choice, you learn to snap out of it sooner and see the light. The last time it happened I already knew my ideas would be rejected,so it took me a couple of days to come out of it.
I get emotional. I cry!
Regardless the reason why you got rejected?
It affects me but I tell myself that something better is in store for me.
It always is 🙂
Rejection can often be hard to deal with. Especially if it comes from a person we some sort of emotional bond with. Our partners are usually the ones that affect us most when they reject us.
A good way to go about it is to go through the scenario in your head. Start to evaluate the chances of you getting rejected, and then keep in mind that if you do get rejected, that this is okay!
This may be hard to digest at the beginning, but funnily enough, the more often you get rejected, the stronger you become.
At one point, when you get rejected you’ll just shrug your shoulders and move on…
Great question 🙂
Thanks! If we manage go see through the emotional impact and we see some reasoning behind that, we get to accept the rejection 🙂
I have to be honest. I have a pretty hard time handling rejection. I would usually disappear for a couple of weeks – by disappear, I mean I don’t talk to people or I refuse to go out. But, it’s not because I see myself as someone who DOES NOT deserve rejection. I disappear because I feel so bad that I failed the very few people who trust in me. I disappear because I know I’d break down in tears once I tell my family about what happened and they still trust me despite getting rejected (for example: a job or a new book idea). My rejection is also somewhat the rejection of the people who believe in me. 🙁 It gets me sad but then again, I have to keep trying because of this same reason. The people who love me believe that I will someday be somebody and that’s enough reason for me to try again until I get the big break I’ve been wishing for.
Thanks for this question. It made me reflect on things that are both painful but beautiful to me. 🙂
I love the fact that somehow you manage to rise again. What was the toughest rejection you faced so far?
It was over a decade ago, I was still in college, and I applied as an exchange student for a university in Japan. There 4 other candidates and all of them got approved except me. At that time, I thought I was the best among the others. I expected that I’d be selected but my strong personality and confidence overpowered high grades and academic achievements. I can say it was the toughest rejection because it taught me a lot of lessons about not being full of myself. 🙂
Thanks, I do manage somehow and I guess it’s all thanks to the few people who have faith in me. 🙂
… Drink. 🍻😂😂
That can be a strategy :)) Though, your body might hate you for it in time.
Oh, it usually does! 😂😂
Love it! Yes, always! That’s usually the root cause 🙂
We spend so much time concentrating on what we don’t have or don’t get then we do to what we actually have already got right in front of us, so to deal with it head on I find what here , we might just find it easier to cope with, life’s so short we all need to be happy with each other, move the negativity over and bring in the positive, share it all around pass it on, and we can help each other with rejection xx
I totally agree with you. We just need to want to change 🙂
Indeed… but we need to listen to our inner self speak of good and it will come clear, we take to much on and think we can cope rather then just do one thing at a time and reward ourselves and then move on to the next,
Rejection is a very hard emotion for most , but if you try see it in a different way , such as, what the universe does! People come and go all the time, they pass our lives everyday, ones that stay for only a while is maybe the universe saying it’s to make room for the right person, even to be rejected by a dog lets say’ the dog itself chooses their owner for them, it’s their world we are in their world.
I’m very spiritual, and have a lot of beliefs that I understand other people don’t believe..
the reason I mentioned the book “The Four Agreements” was because the second agreement is “don’t take anything personal” what others do you can not control , what others say you can not control, and is a reflection of them not you!
Sorry for morning rant 😘
Thank you so much for this wonderful comment! 😀
Your very much welcome, I like answering😜❤️