About 25 years ago, I met a man that seemed to be able to see into the depths of me. He had this delightful romanticism, soulfulness, and energy about him that was so intriguing. And there was a palpable connection between us that we both attested to.
Over the years, we tried dating a few times but the timing was never right. We even happened on a mystic once who declared she could feel our connection and that we were brother and sister in a past life.
Whatever the reason, it never worked out between us. For a time, I was deeply disappointed. Now looking back at it, I can see that we would have driven each other nuts. We’re good friends – he’s married and lives in Europe and I have my beautiful kids. When we see each other, it’s wonderful and exactly as it should be.
On this eve of Thanksgiving (in the US), I think there’s an often overlooked category to be grateful for – the things we don’t have. The relationships that didn’t work, the jobs we didn’t land, the mountain summits we weren’t able to climb, the things we weren’t able to buy.
In a recent essay, Remembering How to Bounce Back, the esteemed psychologist Dr. Gerald Stein wrote about how we cultivate resilience. One of the methods is remembering what we’ve overcome previously. It’s a brilliant way to look back and understand where the hardships in life have gotten us.
It leaves me thankful for so much. That includes all the disappointments that have also taught me to trust that I’ll end up where I need to be. Happy Thanksgiving!
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My other projects include my personal blog and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.
(featured photo from Pexels)
I can relate to this
Thanks, mukulmanku!
I like the idea of remembering to be grateful for the things we don’t have/didn’t do- everything that didn’t happen is just as important to where we are today as what did.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s just as important! Thanks, Todd!
I try to step back every so often and list out things that I wanted, but didn’t happen. It can be kind of eerie at times. The things that jump out a lot are jobs that I wanted. One in particular is funny to look back on. We were in Northern Virginia, trying to relocate to PA. I really wanted this one newspaper job. They basically came out and said the job was mine and then something happened. I could never figure it out. In the end, I was so glad I didn’t get it. I learned later that it would’ve been a nightmare job with a nightmare boss. Yes, thank you God for that one. What do I know anyway. Ha, ha.
Oh, that’s such a great example, Brian! Thank goodness for NOT getting that one. Whew! Love it!
I agree that we can learn valuable lessons from the things we didn’t receive or thought we wanted. There’s always something to take away from it and new opportunities.
“or thought we wanted” – exactly, Elizabeth! I think you are so right!
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What a wonderful perspective, Wynne. My life has not gone the way I had planned, and yet it’s perfect all the same. The hardships, disappointments, and losses shape up and–if we allow it–make us better. Happy Thanksgiving Wynne!
I love how you say that it’s perfect all the same. I couldn’t agree more, Erin! Happy Thanksgiving to you!
This is really interesting food for thought, Wynne. Looking at the “not-gottens” in a perspective of gratitude rather than just regret. Your thoughtful posts have continued to give me things to ponder, and thank you!
Thank you, Dave! What a lovely comment. I’m grateful for you, my friend!
Happy Thanksgiving Wynne! That’s such an interesting point about reflecting on and being grateful for things we don’t have. An excellent example from my own life was a job I applied for when I was in my 20s. I really wanted it and was prepared to relocate to Montreal if I got it. I didn’t get it and was so disappointed. But then I got another job and that’s where I met my husband.
That is such a great example. Thank goodness you didn’t get that one! Thanks for adding that to the discussion, Michelle!
… One of the methods is remembering what we’ve overcome previously…that’s excellent Wynne!
Thank you, Cristiana!