Last week, my younger daughter left on an extended work trip, leaving us with no kids at home for the first time in almost 24 years. This prompted me to do some reading and thinking about empty nest syndrome. As I usually do in these situations, I made a list of practical ways to cope with what can be a challenging time for many parents.
As a parent, seeing our kids grow up and venture out into the world is one of those situations that makes us feel happy and sad all at the same time. On the one hand, we can feel satisfied that we’ve done our job and raised our children to be independent adults. At the same time, we feel sad because the house feels just a little too quiet without them there.
When you’ve spent a big chunk of your life caring for these little beings, waving them off as they venture out into the world is bound to spark some emotions. It’s interesting to hear the varied reactions parents have when their kids leave home. Some parents can’t wait for their kids to be gone so they can get on with their lives. For many, though, this is a time of sadness and even grief as the role of parent is a major part of their identity.
Very Well Mind reports that empty nest syndrome isn’t a formal mental health diagnosis. Even so, it is often associated with feeling very emotional, sensing a lack of purpose, having difficulty focusing, and possible relationship issues. In extreme cases, it can lead to anxiety or depression, or worsen existing mental health conditions.
Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome
Like any significant life change, it’s important to acknowledge what’s happening and develop coping strategies. I always find keeping busy is the best way to stop myself from overthinking or worrying about things I can’t control. With that in mind, here are five practical ways to cope with empty nest syndrome.
Start a New Project
If there’s a project you’ve been putting off, or one that you’re just not making as much progress on as you’d like, now is the time to forge ahead with it. This week an exciting opportunity came up for me and, thanks to the extra time I have on my hands, I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
Revitalize Your Social Connections
If you’re in a relationship, you now have the chance to reconnect with your partner and spend more time together. This is also a good time to expand your social circle or rekindle relationships with old friends.
Learn Something New
Plunging yourself into learning something new is one of the best ways to take your mind off how much you’re missing your kids. Sign up for a course at your local college or university—or browse the free offerings on platforms like Coursera or EdX.
Pick Up a New Hobby
As parents, we spend a lot of time shuttling our kids around to hockey practice, music lessons, and other activities. An empty nest is your chance to start a new hobby of your own. You might just discover a new passion or money-making side hustle.
Boost Your Fitness Routine
Physical activity is one of the best ways to boost your mood, and research shows exercise can lessen symptoms of anxiety or depression. If your fitness routine needs a little kickstart, sign up for a new class, find some new YouTube workouts, or just get outside for a long walk every day.
As I wrote this post, every time I started to type “nest”, my fingers automatically typed “next” instead. As much as I miss my card-playing and soap-opera-watching sidekick, I’ll take that as a sign that this isn’t a time to be sad. It’s a time to be excited about what comes next!
I’d love to hear from other empty nesters about their experience. How did you feel when your chickadees flew the coop? Drop me a comment below with your ideas.
Learn more about me in my bio and on my personal blog at BoomerEcoCrusader.com. You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.
Thank you so much for sharing! I didn’t know it was an actual diagnosis. I have two adult children—my daughter is 29 and my son is 20. So far I have experienced empty nest syndrome twice. Once when my son left for college two years ago, and the other last week when my daughter moved out of state. She had moved back home after graduating from college and being on her own for a while. Now, she’s off doing her own thing, which I am so happy about. The first few days were the hardest. Plus the gloomy weather didn’t make it any better. But by the end of the week I was fine. As you mentioned as a solution, I found something new to focus on. Ready to take on my new life! Sorry I wrote so much. Wishing you a wonderful day!
Hi Shaun! As with all mental health concerns, empty nest syndrome can be serious for anyone who already suffers from anxiety or depression. Glad to hear you found something new to focus on. I really think that’s the key! I wish you a wonderful week ahead.
Thanks, Michelle! Same to you.💕
It’s a time to readjust and look for new ways to occupy your self 💕
Exactly! Being bored is not really a problem for me. There are so many things to do and explore. Thanks for reading, Sadje.
My pleasure. 😇
Love that you continued the discussion here Michelle. I never minded much when all three finally left the house. They all had been back and forth during and after college, then they all settled within about 1 hour of home. Now two have moved to Colorado. I mostly feel the emotional reaction when I realize I cannot just jump in the car and be at their house in minutes. We are always in touch, and I am grateful that things are going well for each girl as they explore life with their families…but at the same time I will always want them to come back home. I just move ahead with my life, knowing they are doing the same. I would never expect them not to follow a path that seems right for them.
You and I are very much aligned with our thinking, Deb. When my older daughter left for college, I adjusted pretty quickly. I had a more difficult time when she moved across the country last summer. Like you, I feel happy they are following their own path. And I’m learning to cherish the time we do spend together.
There is definitely a different focus when we get together now. I have no need to do anything special, which I think they sometimes expect me to want to do- like sightseeing or lots of trekking about. I want to simply spend time with them, talking and filling myself up until we can be together again.
This is a surprisingly timely topic for me- I say surprisingly because my kids have been permanently out of the house for 3 years now, yet somehow I’m feeling the empty nest more this past year. One still lives nearby and the other is an hour away- so it’s not bad. Great suggestions on how to fill the void😎
Thanks Todd. It’s funny how things like this hit you when you least expect it. I often find I feel restless when nothing has really changed. A new project or challenge usually takes care of it for me.
My daughter moved out many years ago, and when her youngest was rediagnosed with cancer, I moved in with them to help out. When I moved out and 3 hours away, she experienced a reverse empty nest syndrome. We plan for the future when we can buy a house together and live together once more!
Oh that’s interesting. I can see how that would happen. That’s lovely that you’re planning to live together again in the future.
Last summer my son ended up his studies. He already left home in 2018 so I was somehow used to the empty nest. But when he graduated in June 2023, I realized that he left the nest for real. He started a paid internship and he wouldn’t even need me paying his bills!
It was a kind of a shock but now, thanks to extended teleworking that some employers grant their employees, he comes home more often than before. And we do a lot of things together. Thank you for the tips Michelle!
You and I are on similar paths, Cristiana. My older daughter left for college in 2018 but she was only an hour’s drive away. Last summer she moved across the country to British Columbia—thousands of kilometres and two flights away. It was an adjustment for me to accept that I couldn’t just hop in my car and visit her whenever I wanted. I’m still adjusting.
I totally understand it Michelle, I agree that we are on similar paths.
I’m not an empty nester but back in 2017, I took my younger brother with me on a vacation to be with our older brother and his family. It may have been the first time for my parents to not have any of their children with them. It was just a few days but it seemed like eternity for them. They fetched us at the airport when we got back because they couldn’t wait to see us. ☺️
Now, they’re busy with their grandchildren and garden and at times their senior citizens association. They like having us nearby so they can come and visit anytime or vice versa.
It is strange for parents when they find themselves without children for the first time. That’s great that you live close to your parents. My older daugther is a long way away which is hard.
It does make you enjoy moments with them even more. 😊🌷
Most definitely!
I really like your suggestions – seems like they are worth trying at most junctures in life. Here’s to what comes NEXT! Great article, Michelle!
Thanks Wynne. You’re right! These are great things to try any time you’re at a loose end.
I’m dreading my two leaving, I’ve hopefully got 10 years before there are no more kids in the house. When I went to university, my mum gave me a keyring saying “call your mother, she worries” and I called every Sunday night without fail and I still do now. Hopefully, my boys will be persuaded to do the same.
That’s from Smelly Socks and Garden Peas, don’t know why WP hadn’t logged me in.
Ha ha, Smell. I need to get one of those keyrings for my girls. I’m usually in touch with them throughout the week but, every once in a while, a couple of days goes by and I start to worry.
Wonderful post, Michele. It’s always hard but I guess we have to let them spread their wings.
You’re right. I’m grateful that they’re both independent and confident enough to fly the nest.
This phase of parenting has been the hardest for me. With the loss of my husband a few years ago, then the loss of my mom, it seems there was a lot of loss to deal with all at once. But becoming a first-time grandma has boosted me up a lot.
But from your post, I seeing that I truly need to find activity that is for ME. And you’re sooo right about working out. Even though it can be gloomy outside lately, after a good workout, I feel bright and sunny on the inside.
Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed the wisdom. 🙂
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I’m so sorry for your losses, but I’m so grateful you found wisdom in my words. You’ve experienced a lot of change in a short period. I wish you luck finding something for you.