The art of cultivating human relationships is so important that it is not surprising that the book of Dale Carnegie, How to win friends and influence people, published a long ago (1936) but still very current, has sold the most copies worldwide.
Carnagie’s book needs to be interpreted under the current circumstances, where technology has changed dramatically the way we communicate and we relate to one another.
Therefore, the basic principles of his book can still be applicable today but there are some new hints I would like to share with you.
Some practical advice on how to deal with people
- The first step is generosity that is giving without expecting anything in return. Maybe you know someone who all of a sudden lost some people around them. Their friends seemed to suddenly vanish. The reason is simple, they were not interested in a real relationship, but only in what they could get out of it. To cultivate a healthy relationship, you should be generous, share what you have, and really care about the person you are with (for instance by listening activel and attentively ).
- Be consistent. Words are beautiful, but actions are the glue of friendship. Therefore, you should not gossip about who is not there with you in that moment (something that seems obvious, but that it’s often forgotten), highlight some positive aspects of the other and keep your promises.
- Friends should be positively surprised – Remember their birthdays, and also if you share the same circle of friends, tell them about that friend’s birthday. When you have a free moment, call simply to find out how they are. Use voice memos and a calendar to remember important things for your friend(s) and then send them a message or give them a call.
- Add new friends to your contacts by using their name and family name. Use tags to group your friends that reminds you of something you shared (a pizza, a movie, the place where you met). Likewise, if you have it, add also a photo so that you will have them closer.
- Update your contacts regularly – Review the contacts, and remove those that for any reason you think they are not part of your life any longer. Here include people who simply you dislike. It is not worth wasting your time with those who you do not get along well.
- Introduce new people to your circle of friends. Generosity is also expressed through sharing something very valuable, your new friends.
Taking care of human relations makes us great because the best thing ever is dedication in relationships. For this, time and love are required but only in this way you will be able to cultivate the beautiful art of human relationships.
What would you think useful and important for cultivating relationships?
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As much as I agree with you and Dale Carnagie my experiences and watching the news (I know a big mistake) but I feel 90% of the country fail on item 1. Their all
about “me.”
Yes you are right therefore I wanted to put generosity as the first point on my list. Our societies are more and more about “me, me,me”.
It is so sad
I believe that we cannot receive and give love to others until we’ve learned to love ourselves. I know that may sound selfish, but there’s a difference between this form of selfishness and that of narcissism and arrogance. One is done with a more loving constructive intent and the other is the complete opposite. I think the reason 90% of people fail at this is because they don’t know how to love themselves properly. Therefore they act based on their insecurities and become too focused on receiving external validation, and they abuse these tools Dale Carnegie talks about in this book. Only until we’re able to love ourselves will these tools for building human relationships be most beneficial and valuable.
I’m not sure if this qualifies for loving one’s self but I am very empathetic of others. I feel for them, help them and love the sense of fulfillment it brings.
I think they are excellent qualities of yours, Danny! Thank you for sharing
thanks for a thought provoking post
What a beautiful reflection! I usually don’t quote Jesus’ words but these reinforce yours “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another” (John 13:34).
Some sage advice. I agree, we need to.consider others’ needs rather than being selfish
Thank you Brenda
These are simple yet powerful tips for building strong connections with people. It’s always a two-way street of course which means that the degree of success may vary greatly.
It’s definitely like that Milena thank you for commenting!
I’m always surprised at how much I appreciate simple “happy birthday” and “good luck” messages from friends. Sending them is fun too.
Sometimes I am also surprised when I receive “happy birthday “ from someone I didn’t expect. It is so rewarding, I think I am important to her/him.
Receiving one on one generosity of time and wisdom from a leader in their field. Priceless.
Fantastic I agree!
We derive the most meaning in life from our relationships. It makes sense then to prioritise the time to cultivate and deepen those relationships. Wise words Cristiana 🙏
Thank you David!
I love your point that friends should be positively surprised – that’s such a FUN part about friendship. Great post, Cristiana, and thanks for the link to my piece, my friend! 🙂
You are welcome Wynne ! Thank you for commenting!
Showing gratitude and kindness.
Even though we can try everything but you cant build anything if there is no proper response from the other person.
Because a lack of response will lead everything to go in vain no matter how hard one try.
I agree with you. Thank you for commenting !