Visiting Him, Again

You’re here again?

I know…

You didn’t listen last time either. Are you stupid?

Maybe…I don’t know.

Look man, how many times do we have to go through this? 

But it’s not like that one time…

Well congratulations. You’re still here though aren’t you?

Yeah.

I’m literally sick from your bullshit.

Me too.

You know what to do. You’ve done it before. You know it works.

Yeah…

Ok- so get the hell outta here and make it stick this time.

Ok. 

He hated visiting this place. But it was necessary.  The fact that it was necessary so often was part of the problem. That’s why he was so irritated.

Everything he said though was right. He did know what to do. He’d done it for a long time. But sometimes maintaining is harder than becoming; details and routines get lost; things get sloppy, and the wheels start to come off. Well, not off- just loose in this case.

But the visit was good. It had to happen. Better now than later like that one time. Easier to make amends now than to wait. Put out the fire in the trash can before the whole house burns.

He could feel his body relax just at the acknowledging of the situation. An exhale of anxiety. An intake of relief. Things were getting better already.

Now to the calender with eraser and cell phone.  Tough decisions, like a coach deciding who makes the team and who gets cut. 

The harder part is the unwritten calendar. It always is. Making time for meals and exercise. Taking breaks. Having fun. Getting rest. Clean eating. Yoga.

For him, the challenges of the unwritten calender are always patience and discipline; those two failed mantras that got him back here in the first place. Well, it’s not that the mantras failed, he had just failed at executing them. But no more, dammit.

Patience and discipline lead to balance. Balance leads to peace. Everything feels so good there.

He’s right. I need to make it stick this time. 

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13 thoughts on “Visiting Him, Again

  1. “But sometimes maintaining is harder than becoming…”
    Wow. Yes, and yes! Thanks for this sweet post, Todd, and the wonderful reminder. 😊

  2. Such a creative way of expressing yourself, Todd. I love the fact that it can apply to anything. I’ve been trying to instill some discipline and balance back into my life in areas, so, this hit me squarely between the eyes. In a good way, of course. 😊

  3. The old landmarks are painfully obvious aren’t they? Yet, the new routines, the new future doesn’t have the landmarks so starkly painted, so it is easier to miss them until we may have inadvertently gone past them. Careful listening of our bodies is helpful, for we can start to pick up clues before our conscious minds pick up on them. It’s a process; paving new neural pathways need some repetition before they’re firmly established enough that we can back off on our mindfulness. Patience with ourselves is important, so is suspending judgement on ourselves while we go through this transition time!

    1. Excellent advice- thanks very much Tamara! You’re right- the landmarks weren’t as noticeable- I also admit ignoring the ones I did see.

  4. Nice narrative and dialogue. This shows a new side of you as a writer, Todd. More of us here (on this site) need to branch out as you’ve done. More of us need to reach beyond the sort of writing we normally do. Thanks.

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