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How we define difficulty or problems is variable, or it should be. What is difficult for someone might not be so for another. Likewise, when we look at someone’s life and feel like they have everything perfect, we should not assume that they do not have problems. Sometimes, because of this assumption, we might end up downplaying someone’s issues, which might have serious consequences.
Take celebrities, for example. We might assume that they have everything: wealth, power, luxury. But many of them state how fame can be destructing; how it is harder for them to find genuine friends or social support etc. And these things are the exact things that can get to someone’s mind and ruin mental health. It is the same for us. We can have everything on the outside: financial means, social support etc. But we might still have difficulties. Our friend can also be in this situation. We often do not know what someone is going through.
This post is a reaction to some comments I often hear for various people, but I think it brings up a point worth discussing: what counts as difficulty? Can we have a definition for it that holds for everyone? If so, what can it be? If not, how can we make sure that we understand individual differences?
Good question. This question is just one of the numerous questions we don’t know the answer yet.
Unfortunately
Yeah. Another question I still don’t know the answer is; “What is the difference between being weird and being unique?
Hmm, that is a good one. I actually did not think about this. What do you think?
What I’ve noticed is that, people from different countries have different thoughts, some are quick to brand it as ‘weird’, while some, take an in depth look and say it is ‘unique’. It just depends on a person’s understanding.
I think there are relative and objective aspects to difficulty. On the one hand, you never really know another person’s situation and capacity for facing difficulty. On the other hand, there are things that are objectively more difficult than others and it’s important to maintain a sense of perspective.
Perhaps more important though is developing a sense of empathy
Agreed. I don’t think we can have a universal and exact definition of difficulty, so we have to have empathy
I try to think that I don’t know people life experience and therefore I don’t judge what can be difficult for them. As you say, what is difficult for someone may not be difficult for the other. Good reading Betul!
Best approach
I don’t believe we can have a universal answer. There’s too much that goes into it. I’ll say this though… Whether we see someone else’s situation as difficult or not, the point is that they feel it is. I know a lot of the key to dealing with my own challenges lies in accepting my feelings, and working through them. Discounting those feelings doesn’t work. And we certainly shouldn’t discount someone else’s difficulties. Great post, Betal. Very thought-provoking.
Betul 🤦🏼♀️
Haha that is ok. Auto correct does that to me a lot too
That is probably the best way to go. Some things might be universally difficult, but many things depend on the individual. Thank you for the insightful comment!
There is a verse in the Quran that explains the different types of difficulty. This is the translation of the verse: [Al-Baqarah: 155] “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.” Nobody’s life is perfect. Some people have financial difficulties, others can’t have children. Some have health problems, marital problems. Some have mental illness.
Yes, well-said!
Thanks!