To Love or To Not Love?

The age old question still stands: Would you rather have loved and lost or never have loved at all?

Some might know exactly where they stand for this one. Some like myself, say it depends. What type of “love” are we referring to here? Romantic, obsessive, selfless, short-lived, enduring, or true love? Does true love have to stand the test of time?

I’m sure you’ve heard this question before, so I ask of you, where do you stand?



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65 thoughts on “To Love or To Not Love?

  1. I think better than both of those is to have loved and lost and then found love again. That way you’ve grown – you’ve learnt what heartbreak is and that you can withstand it. Further more you’ve learnt what love requires – constant nurturing. If pushed to choose however, I would take loved and lost. Ignorance might be bliss but to have loved and lost and survived makes you stronger. That’s more important. Good question E.L. 🙏

    1. I agree, strength might be the underlying key issue here. Upon reflection, more often than not I choose ‘ignorance is bliss’ in my own life, but it’s definitely worth considering the potential strength gained by what was a presumably negative situation… Thanks for the food for thought AP 🙂

  2. other loved than not and also believe there are more thane true loves. My second marriage now going 18 years strong is proof there is more than one person out there. The lessons learned in love suck! I have s many stories of stupidity when I was younger but that’s life. It got me here.

    1. I don’t doubt there can be more than one true love for a person, especially since I believe people change and that doesn’t mean they weren’t true to themselves before. Although I say and believe that, it’s difficult to personally comprehend having more than one true love to me, at least at my age. Maybe that’s just because I don’t want my current relationship to end. 🤣

  3. I’ll go with “to love”, 100%, E.L. Jayne! I’ve come to believe that “to love” is the reason why we are all here—whatever person, shape, or form that takes is up to us–but to love is our real purpose. Thanks for a great, thought-provoking post!

    1. I think love is a divine purpose for our lives here on earth. self love, family love, friendship love, romantic love, that’s the color and joy of life! Thank you for reading 🙂

  4. There are many “types” of love or ways to define love, as you said! The only way I could understand love is if I experienced it for myself. I think if I never loved, I would be missing out on so many growth, lessons, understanding of life, and emotional maturity. I would also not know what love isn’t. Lastly, there is a thought-provoking short story on how love is defined differently by everyone, called “What We Talk about When We Talk about Love by Raymond Carver” if you are interested! 🙂

    1. I love our comment about how you wouldn’t know what love isn’t without those times of heartbreak. Throughout my life, my definition of love has drastically changed. What I considered to be love before is incomparable to what I now consider love. I learned what love isn’t. I’m not sure if my definition of love will constantly evolve as I continue to grow older, but I have a feeling it will 🙂 Thanks for sharing! <3E

    1. I’ve found that my definition of love has changed drastically over time, and what I considered to be “love” before is incomparable to how I would now describe it. In a way, I wish I hadn’t felt those times of heartbreak before because it was heartbreak for a false love. Regardless, everything made me who I am today so I won’t discount those lessons.

  5. I feel about this the same way Garth Brooks speaks in the song, “The Dance.” To love is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to be open to suffering. Yet with great suffering comes wisdom which leads to compassion, another form of love.

    1. That’s a great quote. I think in order to learn from the suffering, to gain wisdom, one must consciously choose that. Truly loving, opens you up to true heartbreak. But with great risk comes great reward. I think I’d choose that 🙂 Thanks for sharing! <3E

  6. E L, I will weigh in for “loved and lost.” I have wonderful memories of the men who have been in my life. I had two 18-year marriages and have children from both. The first ended in an amicable divorce. The second husband died. My fiance and I have lived together for six years and plan to marry after the pandemic is over. I am 71 and he is 72.

    It took me 12 years after my husband’s death to go on a date. Those were difficult and lonely years as a single mother. I guess I have no regrets about any of my decisions. It’s been an interesting life!

    Thank you for a thought-provoking post. <3 Have a great week!

    1. Cheryl, thank you for sharing. Reading your story really makes me take a step back and try to wrap my head around how long life is. You’ve had such great, different chapters in your life. Although I can’t quite comprehend how it’s possible to have more than one true love, I can’t disagree it’s possible (and common?). Possibly my vision of love is more romanticized than life allows it to be. Forever doesn’t necessarily have to describe true love. Is there something more powerful than forever? I am happy you have started another beautiful chapter with your fiancé. Again, thank you for sharing and giving me lots of food for thought. Life is pretty vast. Have a great week, <3E

  7. Love can be timeless….if it’s with the right person, not a perfect person but the right person…
    In my opinion love is like anything else in life, is a choice, it can be conscious and decided and taken care of…

    1. I agree I think love can (and should?) be timeless. If it’s true love, I would lean towards thinking it’s timeless. But I also can’t disagree that you could have more than one true loves. Life is long, and I’m only in the beginning of it. I am sure my definition of love will continue to evolve as I continue to as well.

  8. Absolutely would rather love and lose. Having your heart broken is one of the biggest challenges to overcome in life, and it can be, long term, incredibly enriching. Future relationships will benefit and we will learn from the difficulty.

    1. I agree heartbreak is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome, but I wouldn’t trade those experiences because it shaped me to who I am today, knowing that loving myself is the greatest, yet most challenging, gifts I can receive. Thanks for reading 🙂 <3E

  9. I’m still on the fence for this one, as both have their beauty. I’ve loved and I’ve loved deeply. I don’t regret the act but I loathe the pain.

    1. Shell Vera, I couldn’t agree more. I am also on the fence. I don’t totally regret the love I’ve been a part of, but since it wasn’t ‘end game’ love, I almost wish it didn’t happen and I could’ve been at peace and unknowing of the pain associated.

  10. Love can transcend loss we will inevitably feel in our lives. We must endeavour to share love and kindness with those around us, or the world might become isolated pockets of despair with very few escapes up and out of them.

    1. This made me pause…. Looking back, I wish I wouldn’t have “loved” something that didn’t exist. But even though my definition/expectation of love evolved, it doesn’t mean that wasn’t worthwhile time put towards the act of “love.” What cause could be more worthy?….

  11. I still regret having had selfless feelings for people. These are nothing but short-lived flings, one cannot call this love. If i had a chance, i would go back in time and would never get emotionally attached to anyone.

    1. I can completely agree with this. Looking back, what I called “love” was nothing close to what I would call love today. I wish I never got attached as well, but all I can do is move forward and accept the lesson it taught me, and accept the love it taught me to find. Thank you for sharing, <3E

  12. Like Einstein’s relativity theory, I belief love is also relative. With time it becomes relative with adjustment. And it applies to all kind of love, be it to parents, be the romantic one or be the self love. Everything in the world is relative. Nothing is absolute.

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