Let me tell you a bit more about me. Apart from writing a bunch of stuff on this blog and my own and doing some netflix and chill whilst trying to get my studies together, I somehow seem to enjoy to take the time to understand the problems people in this world, have.
And if I could confidently say, which problem people seem to struggle with most, I’d say it’s trust in their relationships.
Most people I know personally, or not, all seem to have some sort of issue with trusting their partner. No, I’m not talking about mature 30 and 40-yearolds. I’m talking about 20-year-olds. The millennials.
I saw a text from Ashley on his phone today, Should I play hard-to-get?, What if he cheats on me? Blah blah blah.
Look, the point is that when you can’t trust your partner, your relationship doesn’t actually mean anything. Period.
… and the reasons why you can’t trust your partner are either due to one of two very simple reasons;
- Either you think they’re a liar
- Or you think they can’t control their impulses
That’s basically it.
So after ripping open some old wounds and bad memories in you, I’d like to share two ways that seem to be the antidote against either one of the two above mentioned reasons of why trust may be an issue for you.
#1 Build a track record
The goal of a track record is to make you trustworthy. Not reliable. But trustworthy. You’re reliable when you TELL your partner you will do X. You become trustworthy when you SHOW your partner you actually do X. See the difference? 😉
To build a track-record, three things are needed… consistency, time, and patience. To make us trustworthy we have to consistently DO the things we talk about. No, doing it once, will not allow a consistent behavioral trend to be seen. Doing it many times, does. And to do it many times, requires time and patience.
Imagine trust like a china plate. Once it’s broken, it can be glued back together. Yet the more often it breaks, the harder it becomes to glue the pieces back together and the more effort it requires. Eventually, it becomes impossible.
The track record, is the glue.
#2 Lean into radical honesty
The other day, my girlfriend got herself ready for a night out. I told her I was going to take her out for a nice dinner and in all excitement she tried to figure out the best dress she could wear that night. After waiting a solid two hours, she asked me what I thought.
I looked up and thought for a minute and then kindly told her baby, you look beautfiul, but please put on another dress. It doesn’t look good on you.
After a loud *asshole!* she marched back into the bathroom and changed.
Most people would call me an idiot for telling my girlfriend I didn’t like her dress. I find it funny how people believe that avoiding to tell others their honest opinion, makes them more altruistic or caring towards someone.
The reason I told her I didn’t like her dress, was simply because I value honesty more than feeling good.
You see, no one trusts a yes-man. Somebody who always says yes to everything, either has bad taste, or may just be a liar after all. It’s that simple. A great way I’ve learned to build up trust, is to be as honest as you can. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner your honest opinion and thoughts. They deserve to know. We all do.
Thanks for reading,
***BEFORE YOU GO!!!***
This is the part of my article where I scream wait! there is more! Because, really, there is more!
If you enjoy what I write about or occassionaly laugh about some of my poopy jokes, then I have great news for you! I recently wrote an article all on vulnerability, self-respect, and attracting the right people through boldness I think you might really enjoy.
…even my mum thought it was pretty neat. And that means something!
So check it out and let me know what you think of it! 🙂
Speak to you guys next week! 🙂
11 thoughts on “Trust Issues? Read This.”
If I’m quite always jealous, do you think I have trust issues? o.O?
A little jealousy is totally okay 🙂 and it’s core its not an indicator of a lack of trust. It’s a sign that you appreciate your partner.
Too much or constant jealousy can potentially get dangerous, and make you loose trust. This is evident when you constantly confront your partner about it.
From experience, most people don’t want honesty. I am always honest, and people don’t like it because they’d rather things were sugar-coated and dipped in honey.
Saying “No, I’m sorry, I don’t love you,” to someone never ends well 🙂
True story. But hey, I’d rather be an honest devil than a lying angel 😉
Me too 🙂
Great post 😁
Check out my blog when you get the chance 🙂
I think you are on to something very key here about dishonesty and lying and its role in trust– I don’t fully trust those who are always telling me what (they think) I want to hear.
Nope me neither. Thanks 🙂
This is a very interesting topic and I believe that this tendency of people to not be so honest is because they want to avoid creating a bad experience to other people. This is because people are different and they have different opinions. When someone asks for an opinion, that person already knows that he/she wants to hear that “great job” and when it’s not coming, that person takes it very personally, especially when it’s about something he/she put lots of effort in it (like your girlfriend struggling two hours to dress in a certain way).
It’s a tricky thing ant it’s related to self-esteem and to the need of external confirmations that whatever that person did, is a good thing. So being honest always brings up this possibility for the other person to get angry, but I believe it is a risk we need to take in order for us to be our authentic self.
Honesty is the follower of Trust….
And both are Important for a relationship of ANY KIND…..
Only Sweet honey cannot be eaten in food…It comes after dinner. (Even in a very little amount).
Extra Honey can easily cause Abdomen Hustle….😉
Hope you got my point…
Good Content… 🙌
Keep it Up Max.. 👏👏