Knowing your friends

   How important is to know your friends and why is so important? I’ve watched this podcast where Vanessa Van Edwards talks about how important is to know your friends from a reactive point of view, if we can name it like that. We have multiple types of friends. We have the dream killers (as Mrs. Edwards likes to call them) which are those friends that love to point out the flaws in everything. We have the ambivalent friends which are those we don’t know if they like us or not and we have the cheerleading friends (as I like to call them) which are those friends that supports us in whatever we do.

   Why is important to know which is which? It is important so we know when we should interact with each of them. For example, if we are a little down at some point in our lives, we need to meet with our cheerleading friends because we’ll find empathy and support. If we meet our dream killers or our ambivalent friends, we might end up worse than before. The dream killers are good when we have an idea we want to pursue. Spending some time with them can help us in realizing that possible obstacles we might encounter with our problems so we can get prepared. If we spend too much time with them, we’ll see only the negative side of our idea so it might die so we need to use that time wisely.

   Apparently, the ambivalent friends are the worst because we cannot figure out if we want to meet them or not because we cannot realize if they like us or they’re superficial. I’m not sure if it’s about them or about us. Sometimes our self-esteem is the one that makes us believe they might not like us so it’s pretty hard to differentiate between when it’s our perception and when it’s their reaction.

   We might argue that true friends are always there for us which is true, but sometimes we need friends that can point out our flaws too because we can learn only if we know when we’re not that good and in the lack of self-knowledge in some areas, the dream killers are welcomed.

   What are your thoughts about this? Do you choose whom you interact with based on your mood/needs?

24 thoughts on “Knowing your friends

  1. I’m what you might call a loner and never turn to friends for support, I deal with problems on a sheet of paper…but I choose who I want to spend time with based on how I feel around that person…some people just seem to have a knack for bringing others down, so I’ll avoid people like that if I’m having a bad day, and choose to spend time around someone I enjoy being with.

  2. As an introvert a lot of the people I call friends are my ambivalent friends XD I think this is pretty accurate tbh. I’d like to add that often times a friend can both be dream killer AND a cheerleader–I have a few friends who are extremely supportive when they know I need them to be but also brutally honest when necessary.

    1. If they are brutally honest, they truly are your friends. that’s one of the roles our friends have. Too bad not all know it. Also, there are “friends” that try to bring us down so they can feel better.

  3. I choose who I want to deal with given the situation. If I feel like the brutal truth, I call that person; if I don’t feel like hearing negativity, I won’t call that person. As an empathic introvert, it’s easy for me to take on the vibe of others, especially friends, so I have to be mindful of who I’m letting into my space that day.

  4. You’re right about ambivalent friends. I find that, if I like them, I tend to assume that they don’t like me. If I don’t like them, I tend to think it’s their problem.

    With the dream killers, I try to avoid them. Sometimes, I just can’t though, when they appear in situations I have to be at. At those times, I try to let what they say go in one ear and out the other. However, depending on how I’m feeling that day, I could get defensive.

    With cheerleaders, I love that they are supporting and a lot more fun to be around. They also can be more tactful when I need to hear the pros and cons of something I’m talking about.

    1. I’m so glad that you know which are which. We sometimes tend to generalize and we think about friends as all together despite the fact that they are different.

    2. Hey! 🙂

      I understand you really well on dream killers. 🙂 I do however think that it is, at least, worth listening to what they gotta tell us. Often times, they are actually quite useful in pointing out some errors or try to poke a hole into our ideas (e.g. a business concept we may have).

      It is important to carefully evaluate their arguments and points and test if we can counterargue them with rational knowledge.

      Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  5. I agree with this-but I believe your cheerleading friends should be your true friends. Being able to point the negative out to you in a loving way. I have a few, and I go to them first for everything.

  6. Hey! Great post!

    I think as you say, it is important to have a little bit of each. Perhaps ambivalent friends.

    Dream killers are indeed great at poking holes into our ideas that we have. Whether that is a an idea for a new blog post we have written or bigger things like a proper business idea. I do think we need them, as very often the people whom we consider our’best friends’ will not always tell us the radical and blunt truth of our reality.

    Ambivalent ‘friends’ I don’t really like at all. To me they are the ones that just make us stay awake, wondering if what we told them was a good or bad thing. All in all, they simply use a lot of our energy. I think we should distance ourselves from such people, especially if we have an ongoing cognitive dissonance about them.

    Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  7. Haha absolutely love this, you overthink in a very eloquent way! I think I keep my cheerleaders close at all time because friendship is about raising one another up. You don’t need negative people in your life. Life is too short for that!

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