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Humor

Happy Valentine’s Day, Jackass!

What romantic activities do I have planned for next week’s Hallmark holiday, Valentine’s Day? I’ll tell you, but you might not like it.

Many guys enjoy irritating the women they love and I’m one of them. Does that make me a jackass? Maybe. But there’s just something interesting about annoying them. It’s more fun than saying “I love you”, yet it can mean the same thing- to me at least.

Of course, this is both a blessing and a curse for my wife and my mom (my main targets).

It’s nice to be loved- but is it really?

Here are a few of my favorite ways to “show affection”:

-Relentlessly imitate people that annoy her (wife)

-Rather than replacing the empty roll of toilet paper, just place the new roll on the floor below the empty roll. (wife)

-Subtly rearrange the house decorations. Mom has lots of figurines throughout her house, which I like to “repose” into sexual positions. (mom)

-Drive continuous small circles in a parking lot as if we’re in an imaginary traffic circle/roundabout. (wife)

-Swing from the overhead beam on our back porch like it’s a monkey bar when she enters the backyard. (mom)

-Scrape styrofoam with a spoon/stick/finger. (wife) WARNING: This is highly dangerous- she may attack!!

Maybe I’m immature for doing these things. But I think my wife and mom actually enjoy my antics, despite their reactions to them. Either way, I’m planning a special Valentines treat for my wife next week.

And it won’t be candy and flowers.

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25 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s Day, Jackass!”

  1. You romantic devil you Todd!! Your idea “Relentlessly imitate people that annoy her (wife).” A small move, but clearly the mark of true love!!!! I’ve tried this before and it goes a long way!!!!! You would’ve thought I was a white knight or something. Ha ha ha.

    Reply

      1. Yea, well, Valentine’s Day is Wednesday and I’ve got nothing. Plus, when I asked if we were “doing” Valentine’s Day this year, I got a non-answer, you know what I mean right, where the question is posed, but the response is not really clear. So, do I need to go big or do nothing or plan something for Wednesday or just wait for the weekend. Oh my goodness, just so confusing. Ha ha ha. Btw, I’m thinking I better be prepared!!!

      2. I do know what you mean! 😁I love the question of whether or not to do Valentines this year- my wife and I do the same thing. 😁 It may be best to be prepared with some sort of gift, but save the receipt so you can return it if it turns out to have been unnecessary 😜

  2. I am laughing out loud…again and again. I think we can show great gobs of affection when we’re goofy! I’d take all of that over flowers and candy any day. Show me the funny, honey (and thank God Paul is one big goofball…secret to a long marriage, I think!) 🤣🥰🤣

    Reply

    1. Thanks Vicki! I think you’re right about goofiness being a key to marital success.😁 I’m glad you appreciate this type of humor!😁😎

      Reply

    1. Thanks Cristiana! I assume you are a good sport otherwise, your husband would not still be your husband 😁

      Reply

    1. I think I’m ok as long as I avoid the styrofoam thing- she has an unnecessarily aggressive reaction to that sound 😅

      Reply

  10. LOL. LOL. LOL. Your wife and mother are lucky ones. So are we readers as well, being part of your fantastic sense of humour.

    Reply

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