beige wood putted on fire
Humor

My Wife Is A Camp Fire

That may be a weird title, but it’s much better than: My Wife Is Dumpster Fire.

If I had posted a piece with that title, my next post would probably be called: My Wife Has Filed For Divorce.

But anyway, back to the camp fire thing…

My wife is hot! And I don’t mean that in a sexy, attractive way (wait- I’m not saying she’s not attractive- she is, but that’s not relevant right now). I’m saying she’s hot because she literally gives off excessive body heat. Her skin is hot to the touch!

The closer you get to her, the warmer you feel.  I don’t mean that in an emotional/she-makes-me-feel-warm-and-fuzzy way (although she does, but that also is not relevant right now). I mean when you get physically closer to her, you may soon start to sweat.

We (ok , I…) like to keep our bedroom pretty chilly at night. My wife goes to bed at roughly 10:23pm every night (don’t ask- that’s a whole other blog post) but I usually come up later. When I crawl into bed (I sleep naked- sorry for the TMI) the sheets are usually freezing and uncomfortable, so the quickest way to get warm is to get closer to my campfire wife, whose heat warms me up right quick. But, as it is with fire, if you get too close, you’ll be sweating in no time. And if you happen to touch her….. like I said- she’s hot!

So back to the campfire thing again. People gather around a campfire to get warm; I gather around my wife to stay warm.

People gather around the campfire to tell stories and hangout; my wife is often at the center of organizing family gatherings and reminding me to show up at social functions.

People toast marshmallows over a campfire and make s’mores; I can’t really think of any things my wife has in common with that, so maybe this analogy has reached its limit.

It’s fine though.  I guess that’s what happens when you start writing a blog at 1AM after crawling into a freezing bed, warming up close to your human campfire wife.

Follow Wise & Shine for more stories from our great staff of writers. You can read more from Todd at his Five O’Clock Shadow blog; follow his musical events at toddfulginiti.com, and listen to his latest album here.

54 thoughts on “My Wife Is A Camp Fire”

  1. 😂, Todd, there is so much into your writing and your stories. They make me happy and bring along other stuff as well. Thanks for this one that made me smile from ear to ear and have a great weekend.

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    1. Thanks very much Parisa! 🙂 I’m so glad you enjoy the stories and I really appreciate you reading them! Have a great weekend!

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  5. Lol. This made me laugh. My husband and my body temps are seldom in sync. Maybe I should try roasting marshmallows when I have those 3 am meltdowns,

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  6. What a series of fab hooks! You had me giggling immediately. Thanks, Todd! 😉 I’m with VJ…seldom in sync temp-wise with the hubs…marshmallows? Hmmm….🤣

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    1. Thanks Victoria! I had my wife read it and it was funny to watch her reaction as she read the first part 😁

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      1. Oh….I bet! It was my favorite funny of the week…maybe the month…or more? And I bet her expression was even funnier! 🤣🥰🤣

      2. Thanks Victoria! She started by giving me “that look” but I told her to keep reading and give it a chance😁

      3. Oh yah….I know the look. Maybe she and the hubster share some DNA? LOL! Thank you for the big smiles this morning! 💕🤣💕

      5. Oh….Oh…Oh! We’d be in for a whole bunch of trouble. I’ll be saying “Todd who?” And then “Fulginiti – what?”. Disavowing any prior knowledge! 😜

    1. Hahah thanks David- great comment! Although I am not the campfire in my relationship, if there is a dumpster fire, it’s probably me. 😁

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  11. My husband is the same, I use to say that if we would have problems with our heating we can use him 😂 but in bed I keep distance from him. I like fresh, almost cold sheets and with my skin rash issues I need to sleep in colder temperatures. Funny post Todd!

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  13. I’m with Cristiana, my husband’s the one that’s usually like a furnace … too hot to handle and I’m usually at the other end of the bed keeping cool

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    1. Haha I can sympathize. I only get close to my wife long enough to take the initial chill off, then I roll to the other side of the bed and sleep in cool comfort😁

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  14. Must be something about “wives”. I affectionately refer to mine as “Dear” and when I crawl into bed I ask about the DTU. I’m in Colorado and we have a window or two open every night, even when it is single digits or below. The more DTUs the better

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    1. I’m with you with the open window no matter what👍. I’m embarrassed to ask, but what is DTU? 😅

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      6. Funny, entertaining comments with DTU and the “wife as a home heating source” 🙂

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