On Friday, October 11th, I attended a professional development workshop at the college where I’m employed. The title of the session was “Communication Skills for Collaboration.” Looking back, I don’t think the title gave an apt preview of what the talk would cover. Plus, the title was boring; whereas, the actually workshop was quite interesting.
During the early moments of the presentation, the presenter began with the idea that we bring many preconceived ideas to any act of communication. For example, if I think the person I’m about to interact with is someone not to be trusted, then I’m apt to enter into the communicative situation already wary or prejudiced against the speaker. On the other hand, if I like and respect the person I’m about to talk with, it is quite likely that I will have a positive communicative experience when I speak with him or her. Thus, we impose our own “reality” on those around us.
About fifteen or so minutes into the workshop, the facilitator said something that I decided to write down. I did so because I wanted to spend a bit of time pondering the thing. She said, “We tend to see the world the way we want it to be, not the way it is.” Again, the idea is that we often create our own “reality” which ends up having a profound impact on how we relate to others, how we see the world, how we view ourselves in relation to others, and so on.
For the remainder of this piece, I want to explore this idea. And I have no idea where this exploration will take me.
This quote means that we never really see things objectively. Is there such a thing as objective reality?
What does this mean for me, that I see what I want to see, not what’s there? By the way, what do I want to see when I look at the world?
This is a complicated question, and I think it might be complicated for many. On the one hand, I want to see a world that makes sense, where rational people behave rationally, where goodness prevails over evil, where truth is something to be revered, where all should be treated with dignity and respect. Because we’ve all suffered and know what that’s like, I want to believe that we all have empathy for those who suffer. When we look out and see the less fortunate, our hearts grow heavy and we think, “There but by the grace of god go I.” In other words, I would like to believe that all human beings are basically good.
I want to believe that there are good people still left in this world, that money and self-interest, though they exist, haven’t trumped all. In fact, I see acts of kindness everywhere. I have been the recipient of many such acts. During difficult times, I have collaborated with others, I have peered into their eyes and seen a look that proves all kindness and decency isn’t dead and gone.
Now comes the difficult part. If the speaker at my professional development workshop was right, then I am seeing what I want to see and not the way the world really is. So what does this mean for humanity and the world going forward? Does this mean that goodness and kindness and love are illusions? Maybe I’m too much of a romanticist, too much a dreamer, too gullible, too much an idealist?
I certainly hope that I’m not. But I’ve been wrong about myself before.
Then again, look at how human beings treat each other. Look at how easily we hurt and exploit and kill. Surely, if homo sapiens have it within themselves to evolve, to act in ways that manifest real goodness, such atrocities and acts of injustice would have long ago faded away.
Again, like I said earlier, I had no idea where this blog would eventually end up. And I’m not for sure it’s even gone to a place that remotely looks like a conclusion.
Do you have any reactions you’d like to share? Why don’t we start a conversation?
“We tend to see the world the way we want it to be, not the way it is.” Like you Troy, I have faith in humanity and tend to lean toward the positive. However, I see evidence of the opposite every day when people always see the negative in things, or buy into ridiculous conspiracy theories. Further to your ponderings, I often wonder what makes them that way. Are they genetically wired toward the negative? Or has life experience made them that way? Fascinating topic!
Hi, Michelle. I tend to think that we come into this world as blank slates (tabula rasa), but our influences, especially those that occur during our formative years, give shape to the kind of person we’ll eventually become. I have noticed that I generally believe people when they tell me something. I suppose this makes me a touch gullible or maybe I’m trusting? Interesting topic for sure! Thanks for reading and commenting.
I think you’re right, Troy. That’s why it’s so difficult to break the cycle of discrimination and hate that we see in many people.
Great food for thought Troy and an interesting concept with many implications for life if we wrestle with it.
Indeed, food for thought! Thanks, Todd.
Indeed, food for thought, Todd. Thanks for reading.
You are right Troy, acts of kindness are everywhere and there are good people all over the world. Inspiring post.
Thank you, crisbiecoach! I greatly appreciate that.
Thanks, Todd and crisbiecoach. I tried to reply directly to your comments, but they wouldn’t post for some reason.
I like to think that sometimes when we see the world as we want it to be, not the way it is, we can be a person who acts in a way which moves the world closer to that ideal place. We are only one small part of the world, but I like to think the smallest parts can make the biggest different sometimes. Maybe not in a short time, but definitely be part of moving things in the right direction.
The other thought that has just popped up is if we see the world as we want it to be, is that because we have seen these good outcomes in action so we know that is what we want to be true?