As part of my daily routine I observe people, including myself. While doing this I try to develop for myself a habit of asking additional questions so I can have a better understanding of what might go on in my observations. Because of this, I’ve noticed something interesting: even though I can logically understand something, I just can’t accept it because it doesn’t feel right for me.
Why is this happening? What’s so powerful that our own logic can’t get through? The answer is our unconscious. When we have a powerful belief about something, almost nothing can convince us that it’s not true even if the arguments seem to be equally powerful from the outside. A powerful belief is deeply imbedded into our unconscious and whenever we encounter something that seems to be a threat to it, we’ll get angry.
This might be why we get angry when talking to someone. In our random talks, the other one can say something that goes against one of our strong beliefs and we’ll be “triggered”. The problem is that the person we were talking to has no idea about this and because he/she can’t understand our reaction, he/she will get angry as well.
Since this cannot be changed from the outside, it should be change within us if we want to control it. My suggestion is that in the moment we notice that we start getting angry, we should ask ourselves if we’re overreacting or if that thing is that important to us to worth starting a fight.
When we’re talking to someone and we see that we can understand their point of view, but we just can’t accept it, I suggest we should tell ourselves that everybody has the right to have their own point of view and that people are different. A forced empathy might be good as well. We can ask ourselves: what would we do and how would we feel if someone would verbally attack us “out of nowhere”? (it’s out of nowhere because the ones we’re talking to can’t understand why we got upset and they would feel attacked and this might start an unwanted fight).
What do you do to prevent unwanted fights with the ones around you?
Really a great post …. it usually happen with me … 🙈
Me too, but I’m working on it 😀
After reading your post … i too will work on it 😊🌷 thanks for sharing
My pleasure! Please share with us the methods that work for you! 🙂
I will 😊💐
Working on it. But nowadays , I generally avoid trying to prove my point because the other person too is trying very hard to prove their point and it ends nowhere. So , I back out and the matter gets settled there . Sometimes the other person backs out and all is well again.😁
That’s one of the good outcomes… sometimes it ends up in some fight…
Hi DM this is good and important point you make. As an artist (comedian) I spent a period exploring socio/political commentary. Much of my thinking would come from a leftist point of view and I could be scathing in my analysis of those who follow different philosophies from my own. In more recent times I’ve moved away from this. I’ve become very accepting of those who think differently. It makes for a happier life and it makes me realise just because I think it doesn’t make me better that others. In shortI feel most people ate trying tomakd the world’s fairer place..some just have strange ways of achieving this.
It’s awesome if you managed to do this. I’m still struggling. I think that deep down it’s an ego related thing and our own ego is the toughest “person” we can work with… Can you give us some insights about how you managed to do it?
You’re on the nose when you say it relates to ego. I think the first thing to do is understand that people are shaped by their life circumstances. So the thing you find disagreeable about them may be through no fault of their own and may not be representative of who the really are.
Hmmm… That’s very interesting. I think that this would create some empathy and because of it we could start accepting their point of view. Thanks! It’s a great advice! 😀
If only…Thanks for attacking this topic. Also thanks for the follow. I appreciate it.
Thank you for taking your time to share your thoughts! I truly hope my words can help.
I hope so too.
I can totally relate to this article. There has been times I get so angry if someone does not share my ideals on politics or religion. I have to remind myself that we all come from different backgrounds that shape our beliefs. They have every right to have their opinion. It should never offend me.
It should… but it comes natural to get angry so before reacting we should remind ourselves what you just said. 🙂
I keep most of my opinions to myself unless I absolutely feel it necessary to engage. Otherwise, I’ve learned that many people are not really seeking a conversation, rather they are just wanting to be heard.
Interesting strategy. That’s right. I think people are searching ways to gain the feeling that they’re not alone in this world and also they might need validation of their thoughts.
No one attacks us out of nowhere.. sometimes when people can’t or rather forget to kinda respond to a certain situation… later on it kinds of becomes like a build-up…
Maybe we did something to them that we can’t see…
Sometimes when your very insecure, you could hurt others coz of your ow insecurities that makes them kinda reflect your behaviour.
Sometimes its also giving someone a dose of their own medicine.
Best solution is why don’t you ask that person directly what you did or said for them to cause a tiff ?
Yes, but maybe no one is attacking at all? Most of the time is just a matter of perception…
One more thing is when someone acts too image conscious or too over protective about their phony selves falling off, that kinda could anger others. Coz ppl wanna relate to authentic ones not someone who is portraying themselves to be someone who they aren’t.
So yes we do also tend to attack ppl out of nowhere… but not without a context.
Maybe that person doesn’t see the context.
I think you should ask that girl 😜 herself. Instead of jumping into conclusions.
and also public image is different… you don’t have to be a stage person when you relate to people.
No one wants to connect with a public speaker who gets theoretical all time.
Maybe he is good to watch on workshops but at the end of the day we want a real person ! Your awards dont really mean anything to them.
big talks are ok on TV and stage…
And also yeah its not always attack, ppl express their affection in diff ways😛
a lion claws, a bird pecks, and a tree sways and hits you with a branch…
Its the way you see it