The Friendzone Dilemma

The Friendzone Dilemma

This place might be the most hated place on Earth because it is seen as some sort of end of the line. Because of this, I think we should try to understand what this place really is and how we should behave if we get there based on what we truly want.

What this friendzone really is? It is a term we use for a situation when we like someone and we want to be in a relationship with that person, but that person likes us only as friends and they don’t want a relationship with us. It’s different than having a crush because in that case, it doesn’t matter if the other person likes you back. Being in friendzone means that the person you like, likes you back but in a non-romantic way.

There are two ways of getting into the friendzone. You either like someone but you don’t have the courage to ask that person out and you end up acting like a friend because you want to have he or she into your life, or you are firstly friends to someone and you end up liking that person more than just a friend and you want a relationship, but you are too afraid to ask him or her out because that might screw everything up. The fear of loss is the only thing that keeps you in the friendzone. You fear that he or she might say no to a date and after that everything will be awkward and that person will avoid you. This depends on how strong the connection is between the two of you and if what you provide can’t be replaced by someone else.

There are also two ways of getting out of the friendzone, but before that, you have to have the courage to ask that person out. If you do that, you’ll get out from the friendzone. How? You either end up in a relationship with that person, or that person will refuse you and your friendship ends. I know, the second scenario hurts very bad, but what’s the alternative? In this way, you will have answer to the question does he/she likes me back?

You can’t stay in the friendzone forever watching your crush going on with his/hers life while you only have is hopes and dreams. There might be a third way of getting out of that friendzone without getting hurt and that’s by asking yourself what are the reasons you like that person and if you see yourself your whole life besides him/her. Don’t answer with yes just because you are in love… try to be objective. Make a list with things you like and a list with things you don’t like. Compare them. Think about having children. Do you see yourself raising children with that person? Do you see yourself presenting that person to your family and friends? Can you see yourselves together 20 years in the future? Do you like everything you see? This is the only way to put out the fire from your heart and to keep your friendship the way it is, but if your fire is out, you might not want to be friends to that person anymore.

Let’s go back to the original two possible scenarios and let’s see the outcomes. The first scenario it’s pretty straight forward. You end up in a relationship and everything is good. But the second scenario isn’t that easy to imagine. Your feelings for that person are not letting you imagine a life without him/her. The question you should ask yourself is this: do I matter enough? You’ll see your answer from the outcome. If he/she is ok with your separation and you don’t get any sign in weeks, then the answer is no, you didn’t matter enough. If you do get signs from that person, the answer is yes, you do matter. The things you offer to the other one are more important than everything and he/she will give you a chance.

As humans, we don’t like to take risks. We don’t like to leave our comfort zone and that’s why we don’t like changes in our lives. We like to go forward with the things we know. That’s why if you’re in the friendzone and your crush is in a relationship, he/she won’t give up that easy to that relationship for you. He/she knows how that relationship is, but he/she doesn’t know how a relationship with you might be. The fear that it will be worse with you makes them say no in the first place and that’s why it is important for you to end the friendship. It’s the only way they can see what you truly mean for them. The only way you can realize how important is something/someone for you is when you lose it. This is a win-win situation. Either your rush will realize how important you are, or the time will pass and your feelings will slowly disappear. Time is the answer so use it wisely.

2 thoughts on “The Friendzone Dilemma

  1. Sometimes friendzone is like a comfort zone 🙂 it doesnt always mean they dont see you in a romantic way. But being friends is easy and there is this sort of uninhibition. there has to be a foundation. but i guess we all confuse lust and liking someone. Sometimes attraction is just fleeting. Maybe that person could like you a lot and not wanna spoil the status quo.

    I guess over period of time we use terms just for convenience sake without really understanding them. To be honest sometimes we friendzone our crushes and other people too, out of fear of getting close or not wanting them to know about our selves.

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