After a layoff, a breakup, or a bereavement, the immediate social reflex is to offer a reassuring smile and declare, “I’m fine.” We have all heard that phrase, or even said it ourselves. The cultural pressure to recover quickly is immense. We are taught that resilience is a spring: absorb the shock, bounce back to the original position, and return to business as usual. This … Continue reading Why True Resilience Means Staying With the Pain
If you think back to the Middle Ages and compare what we know now to what we thought we knew then, you’ll probably come to the conclusion that we weren’t terribly smart. That most of what we thought we knew about the world was patently wrong. It seems obvious to us now that the earth revolves around the sun (and not the other way around), … Continue reading Why Being Wrong Is Right
There’s a big difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is the feeling you get when you did something wrong, or perceived you did something wrong, whereas shame is a feeling that your whole self is wrong – a belief that you’re a bad person, or unworthy as an individual. Now, guilt isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be a useful emotion designed to help … Continue reading A Crying Shame
That’s the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you’re an ass. It’s wonderful. When people tell me, “You’re wrong.” I say, “What can you expect of an ass?” S.J. ANTHONY DE MELLO – SOURCE: AWARENESS The vast majority of conversations consist of two people trying to have their egos validated by proving that one is right and the other is wrong. … Continue reading The Secret Ingredient Missing From Every Conversation
