If you think back to the Middle Ages and compare what we know now to what we thought we knew then, you’ll probably come to the conclusion that we weren’t terribly smart. That most of what we thought we knew about the world was patently wrong.
It seems obvious to us now that the earth revolves around the sun (and not the other way around), that sperm doesn’t contain tiny people inside them (I kid you not), and that cats aren’t doing the devil’s work (and that we don’t have to go around executing them).
If you think back to when you were a kid or a teenager or the idiot you were one year ago – you’ll probably come to a similar conclusion. You’ll look back and laugh thinking, “I can’t believe I actually thought that!”
Hopefully, as you’ve gotten a little older you’ve come to realise that you still don’t know very much. But crucially you know you don’t know very much. You know that the more you know, the more you know you don’t know.
Hopefully you’ve come to see that we never gain a complete picture or arrive at an absolute truth for ourselves or the world around us – rather, we only ever become a little less wrong. We simply chip away at our rock-place beliefs and find slightly firmer ground to stand on over time.
And I’m fairly certain (although I could be wrong) that this is the right approach to life.
Not to think in terms of being right, but in terms of trying to be a little less wrong than the person we were yesterday. That way it won’t bother you as much when you are. That way you’re more willing to challenge your beliefs in order to come to a greater understanding.
I think it’s helpful to think of life like an experiment where:
- Our beliefs are hypotheses.
- Our actions and behaviours are experiments.
- Our emotions and thought patterns are data.
We can go about making experiments based on our new hypotheses and comparing that data to our original beliefs/previous experiments. Then we can integrate the results into our overall understanding about ourselves and the world we live in.
I believe this approach works well because you’re not starting with an old belief and trying to validate it. You’re starting with the experiment – being open to the experience – and then interpreting the results in order to gain a clearer picture. This allows your beliefs to evolve and grow over time.
The problem with asserting that our original hypothesis must be right is you end up locking yourself into a career or marriage that isn’t. You don’t allow yourself the flexibility to adapt over time. Your need to be right prevents you from growing.
We often think the reason we don’t change our lives is because we’re afraid of failure, but it’s more than that. We’re afraid of confronting the fact we might be wrong. We’re afraid of confronting our beliefs. If I change careers I’ll be confronted with the false belief that I’m not capable of doing something else. So I refrain.
The problem with this is we end up sacrificing our longer term happiness for shorter term comfort. Over the long run this is extremely costly. Choosing comfort now leads to greater unhappiness later on. Choosing discomfort now, on the other hand, leads to a greater understanding of oneself later on.
That’s why I suggest you ask yourself what you were wrong about today? What have you always been wrong about? (It’s best to assume most things.) Then think up ways to experiment and test any new hypotheses you come up with the following day.
I’m confident that if you do, you’ll find you definitely are wrong. I’m confident that you’ll find you’re wrong the following day too. In fact, I’m confident that you’ll find you’re wrong in some way, shape or form, everyday for the rest of your life.
But that’s ok. Because I’m also confident you’ll see your life improve immeasurably. You’ll see it’s only by being wrong that our life does improve. You’ll see that life really is a series of trials and errors.
Those who are brave enough to keep falling flat on their faces, who are brave enough to keep making a fool of themselves, will end up living the best of lives. At the end of it all – just like those who, several hundred years from now, will look back at the way we live our lives and laugh – you’ll look back and laugh about how stupid you were.
But hopefully, you’ll be proud of the fact that you were always willing to be wrong – that you were always willing to fall flat on your face. Hopefully you’ll smile and realise that although you never arrived at any absolute truth for yourself or the world at large – you had a bloody good time trying.
You’ll realise that this was, at least, the right way to live.
You can find AP2’s personal blog here at: https://clear-air-turbulence.com
You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com
Or on Twitter at: @anxiouspilot
27 thoughts on “Why Being Wrong Is Right”
I’m forever changing and growing. The things I found truthfully or thought I understood are forever evolving into something totally different and as I experience life the things I go through also shape how I view the world- and that’s okay! That’s the way it should be.
Absolutely – it’s more than ok. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s growth! Thank you LaShelle 🙏
Thank you!! Really loved this one 💪🏻
AP, this is so inspiring! I thought of those leaders who, unwilling to change their beliefs, tie themselves in knots defending and justifying themselves, ever more ridiculous! I though of myself reading something amazing by a blogger I had bypassed before…Thank you for this wise post, AP. Take care! <3 <3 <3
Thank you Cheryl. The egos need to be right might just be humanities biggest weakness. Hope you have a wonderful weekend 🙏
I like this perspective. However, so many people are unwilling to admit error. It’s frustrating.
I know, and I don’t what it is. The way we’ve been raised? People take being wrong to be the most horrible offence you could commit. But being wrong is the most ordinary thing in the entire world. Thanks Vic 🙏
Lack of empathy is far worse than being wrong.
I’ve gradually found out with time that many of my fears when finally confronted by me weren’t as scary as I thought they would be. Maybe when I found myself in the tough situation or facing the problem with no way out but to chip away at it, I also managed to muster the courage and strength to deal with it. It was actually quite an enlightening revelation for me. And I was so glad that I had been wrong. My unnecessary worries had transformed my better days into bitter ones. What a waste of time and energy. I find myself to be more grateful now than ever. I’m glad I was wrong and this lesson will stay with me forever. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful and meaningful post. It should make many sit up and think – What the hell have we been doing?!
Hi Terveen! Thank for your thoughtful response. I used to feel like I had to get life “right.” That I had to do everything according to some perfect script. It was exhausting. Best to be clear – we’re all a bunch of apes that have no idea what the hell we’re doing. If you can laugh at yourself you’re bullet proof. Like most things I find it works in reverse. The less serious you take yourself the more able you are to do/deal with serious things. Take care Terveen. Always a pleasure to hear your thoughts 🙏
Required reading for all politicians (left, right, center…. what ever) and all of us dummies that elected them.
Thank you James. I agree 🙏
I have started to enjoy the feeling of clarity and realization when I see a new point of view or experience a truth that is suddenly uncovered. It’s like coming into the light from the dark. I also find I have less tolerance for people who just refuse to be wrong. They can stay in their stunted existence and I’ll happily move on, thanks!
Sadly society seems to be obsessed with being right. I think it has a lot to do with an education system that is geared that way. You’re either right and you pass or you’re wrong and you fail. Life ain’t so black and white. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙏
This is the definition of a growth mindset
Ay. You’re spot on. 🙏
An insistence on personal certainty in areas where people obviously disagree is the root cause of our current culture wars. Unfortunately, humans like to reach binary conclusions where reality is many shades of grey. I think it is easier on the brain to subcontract our thinking out to influencers who happen to agree with our initial biases.
I agree. The human brain wants certainty. Unfortunately it’s also lazy – and unwilling to question its original bias. Instead it looks for evidence to confirm it. Even if that evidence is simply someone else stating the same flawed reasoning.
Even someone as ruthless and intelligent as Putin only looked for things that confirmed what he wanted to do and ignored reality.
Incredible what lengths men will go to just to redraw some lines on a map isn’t it? Pure ego.
A truly amazing read! ❤️
Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂🙏
Thus arriving at defeatist mentality, and that is what Putin is contending with now; not the opposition but his own people. Training is what prepares, and the Russian army is unprepared. Ukraine mf’s on time¡ Zelensky wanna fight 21st century war with rights, fairness, and values. Putin jus wanna go back to nazi occupation.
…find it troubling¿
It’s very say indeed. Zelensky is a hero. Putin is a sick deluded man. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙏
What is the ULTIMATE implication of “Why Being Wrong Is Right”?
It is proof that we live in a psychopathic world, ruled and dominated by “The 2 Married Pink Elephants In The Historical Room” … https://www.rolf-hefti.com/covid-19-coronavirus.html
It’s where “being wrong is right” and “being right is wrong”….