A new friend, and fresh ground for an old word
I love conversations. They take me to different inner colours, shapes, perspectives, ways of thinking. They stretch my mind. Gently massage it. Invite me to see life through new eyes.
Recently I became friends with a woman from Croatia. Croatia has been on my map for a long time. Not because I have been there. But through people I have met. Stories I have heard from other people’s travels. Beautiful pictures I have seen from that land online.
Every time I came across another glimpse of this country, I thought: this is a place I would love to visit one day.
Before reaching the country, though, I met someone from it. Her name is Gordana. She is a few years older than me. Incredibly fun to spend time with. We have so many different conversations. Laughing, dancing, joking around. Talking about all sorts of stuff.
Not long ago, one of our conversations turned to gossip. In Norwegian it is called baksnakking.
The Norwegian word feels stronger to me than the English one. When I hear baksnakking, I think of speaking badly about someone behind their back. Sharing things that perhaps should not be shared. Revealing sides of someone’s life they might not want others to know.
But as we talked, I began to wonder. “Is gossip always that harmful? Or can it be more innocent than I have believed? ”
Where the Word Gossip Comes From
So I got curious about the word itself. According to Etymonline, the word “gossip” started somewhere gentle.
In Old English, it meant “godparent.” Someone close to you. Someone bound to your family, through God. Around 1300, the word had widened, to mean a close friend or neighbour, especially the women who gathered around a birth. By the 1560s, it opened further still, now meaning anyone sharing easy, familiar talk. And by 1811, it had become what we know today. Small talk. Rumour. Something a little less trustworthy.
Funny how a word can start as “the people who hold you,” and end as “the people who talk behind your back.” Maybe languages carry the stories and values of the cultures they come from. And maybe different languages give us different feelings about the same human behaviour.
Where Sharing Turns Into Gossip
But back to where this train of thought started. Gossip. When I reflected more on it, I saw there have been times, where I took part in talks about people without wishing to hurt them. Simply shared a story. An observation. Something that had happened. But I also know how words can be used to judge. To exclude. To damage someone’s name.
Maybe the intention matters just as much as the words themselves.
So this Saturday evening, gossip has found its way onto this page. Into this little corner of the internet where you and I meet, somewhere in the landscape of words.
How do we define gossip?
Maybe that is one of the gifts of conversation. It does not always give us answers. Sometimes it simply opens new questions.
So this is the question I still hold on to…
Where is the line between sharing a story and gossiping about someone?
Maybe it is not the words at all. Maybe it is the heart behind them. Outside, the rain is doing its own kind of talking tonight. A good night for some reflection, and weaving of words.
So I would love to hear your thoughts, what does gossip mean to you?
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By the way, I am Parisa, and this is not my only home online. I also write at People, Life, Politics and Bullshit, where I explore all that I find amazing and amusing: life, politics, movement, and yes, some bullshit too. My last post there was The Body Is the Gateway: A Spinal Flex Practice for Stress Relief.
I am also the founder of Health and Movement, a space where I gather people around holistic movement, body awareness, and the kind of work that helps people stop performing and start hearing their own inner voice again.
You can find me on Instagram most days, sharing small reflections and real moments. And when words are not enough, music moves what nothing else can. Find my playlist on Spotify, under Movement Coach Parisa. Let it move you, wildly and freely.
What a great question, Parisa. We all talk about other people who aren’t present. Conversations would be pretty short if we could only talk about people who are with us.
To me, simply sharing a story isn’t gossip. I believe we cross the line into gossip when our comments have hurtful or malicious intent. For example, sharing that someone got engaged isn’t gossip. But petty comments about the size of the ring, or questioning the state of the relationship would qualify as gossip.
Conversations would be pretty short if we could only talk about people who are with us. 😂 I love this one! But yes, talking maliciously about others is definitely gossip. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on it and for broadening my perspective.
It is an interesting question that you ask. I guess when you share goodness about someone perhaps it does not count as gossip is narrated with a clear conscience and as is. However if the intention was to undermine it becomes gossip and surely paints the other person in a not so good light.
Exactly. There are so many nuances to it that the question suddenly became much bigger in my mind. Thank you for sharing your point of view. It’s very interesting to hear how each person sees it.
I didn’t know the origins of the word “gossip”, it’s interesting. Coming to your question, I think that gossip could be harmful if the intention is indeed to harm the person who is not present. In any case, it’s always better to talk in presence of someone because it could be fun if they have a good sense of humor.
Yes, very interesting. I’ve done that with some words, and it’s crazy how the meaning of words changes over time. Talking to the person directly is definitely the best. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.