Well a second piece of writing has made it past the not-creative-block creative block (see my last post When Creative Block Isn’t Creative Block if curious). I think the form of this helped enable it to get written, specifically the structure of a few somewhat separate ideas falling together under the same idea umbrella.

I was reflecting on these not long ago, and they seem worth sharing. They are some important things I’ve learned, conceptually but even more so practically, concerning the practice of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity (the four “divine dwellings”). That pertains to the formal meditation practices, and more informal versions of that practice, and also simply the ordinary exercise of dwelling in those states in the course of ordinary living.

1. Place of Abundance

The intention — for example, that of loving-kindness — comes from a place of abundance, not a place of lack. A “place” in a mental sense, a kind of feeling or perspective. This is worth noting particularly for two reasons. One is the phrasing of the formal meditation statements, which typically begin with “may.” “May I be happy,” for example. That phrasing could easily be misunderstood as an asking-for, which implies lack. Second, the formal mediation practices for the divine dwellings bear a certain resemblance to forms of prayer in which one in fact asks for something. Again, that would imply lack.

The divine dwellings, in contrast, have the characteristic of abundance. The intention expressed or evoked by the mediation phrases should be imagined and felt as coming from a place of abundance. This means a place with no lack, no lack of happiness for example. Rather than a lack, it should be felt as a place of having-so-much-I-can-give-it-away-without-diminishing-what-I-have. It’s a cup running over, a spring continually renewed from within, an infinite supply.

2. Open to Receiving It

The self-relation aspect of these intentional qualities can sometimes by challenging. (By self-relation, I mean that compassion, for example, is intended toward oneself.) In some cases, the difficulty comes from being both the giver and the receiver of the intention. The giving should come from a place of abundance (discussed above), and be a wishing rather than a wanting (discussed below). But along with that, when one intends compassion, for example, toward oneself, one needs to more than correctly give the intention. One must also receive or accept the intention.

For some of us, accepting gifts can be difficult. We must therefore actively get into the mindset of receiving and being open to the gift. (Practicing gratitude separately from this might help as well, although the simple act of gratitude may differ from the specific ability graciously to accept a gift.) Besides that, there is some mental complexity involved in being for the giver and the recipient of an intention. Again, this may require a mental shift into the perspective of the receiving the intention, while still evoking the intention, with the meditation phrase, from a place of abundance. It isn’t always easy but in general it can be done, and in general gets easier with practice.

3. Begin with Self Relation

All the divine dwellings begin with the relation to oneself. The traditional meditation forms begin either (a) with evoking the intention toward oneself, or (b) with evoking the intention toward another toward whom it is very easy to feel, for example, kindness, before next evoking the same intention toward oneself. Similarly, in the traditional explanations of the states themselves (loving-kindness, for example), the intention begins with oneself and from there gradually proceeds outward toward progressively distant others.

At least for many Americans and for culturally similar societies (I cannot knowledgeably comment on other societies with respect to this), it is important to emphasize this aspect of the divine dwellings, as pronounced deficiencies in genuine kindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy toward oneself seem unfortunately to be widespread, often accompanied by denial of or distraction from that fact. Attempting to develop or embody the divine dwellings in a way that skips over the self-relation is probably quite common, and will undermine the entire project.

4. A Wishing not a Wanting

This goes along with the above point about coming from a place of abundance, but is a little different. Consider the divine dwelling of equanimity. Part of that intentional state is acceptance of things as they are. That quality of equanimity additionally shapes all the divine dwellings. Put differently, loving-kindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy are free of clinging attachment.

Beings cannot always be happy, cannot always be free of sorrow, cannot always enjoy undiminished good fortune. Love, for example, as a divine dwelling, does not want happiness in a way that encodes aversion to unhappiness or greed for pleasant circumstances. Instead it wishes happiness in the sense of well-wishing (I “wish you well”). There is not clinging attachment to certain outcomes or circumstances, but instead an unrestricted well-wish for happiness etc., shaped by an unrestricted acceptance of actual reality. The well-wish does inform one’s actions, but does not lead to needless additional suffering at things we cannot control, nor does it influence us to meddle inappropriately in others’ affairs.

Concluding remarks

I feel I should mention that points 1 and 2 I learned specifically from Sharon Salzberg (and confirmed in my own experience). She does have an excellent book covering the practice and concept of all four divine dwellings in detail, despite the title mentioning only one of the four, viz LovingKindness. (This links to its listing in my Books / Resources page.)

Another post on the diving dwellings: Compassion and Personal Boundaries: No Conflict At All