If you missed Part 1 of my confessions of youthful delinquency- you can read it here, although it’s not a prerequisite to today’s installment.
Pep Band
When I was in high school, we had this thing called Pep Band. The band’s job was to perform during home basketball games. As a young trumpet player, and a fan of the game with friends on the team, I loved this idea. Plus, Pep Band was a well- established school tradition.
If you were in the school Concert Band, as most of us instrumentalists were, all you had to do to join Pep Band was sign-up. So I did. So did a bunch of others, including a certain flute player who was also my girlfriend.
One of the most beautiful (and by today’s standards- ridiculous) things about Pep Band was that it was totally and completely student run. One of the band parents would unlock the band room and supervise us from a distance, while the band president would lead us through a brief pregame rehearsal. Then it was off to the gym where the president conducted us during the in-game performances. The band president was a student like we were, elected by the band members for a one year term.
The Pep Band had front row seats in the gym for every basketball game. We performed during the entire first half as well as halftime. The third quarter of the game was our break. That was our chance to go get food, hang out with non-band friends, or just do whatever until the fourth quarter when we resumed playing.
Remember I said my girlfriend was in the Pep Band too?
That, combined with the opportunity to “do whatever” during our third quarter break, led to the two of us roaming the dark, spooky hallways of our 1938-art deco styled school, looking for “private places”. The school was big, the floor plan was quirky, and the private places seemed unlimited.
We constantly dodged the evening custodial team and the probable suspensions that would come with getting caught. We went places students weren’t supposed to go, and did things students weren’t supposed to do, at least at school. We weren’t into damaging property or anything criminal, we were just into each other.
We had no idea what was happening during the game, and usually came back late for our fourth quarter performances. Sometimes we wouldn’t come back at all. Friends knew to grab our instruments and were kind enough to pack them up for us back in the band room.
Why didn’t anybody of real authority notice that my girlfriend and I would routinely go missing?
Because as I mentioned, the Pep Band was totally student run by the band president, and they either saw nothing wrong with our behavior or didn’t care.
Judged?
Several years later, I married that girlfriend and we had a few kids. Now we’re middle-aged empty nesters, and as we drove by our old high school the other night while running errands, we laughed about the stupid (yet fun) stuff we did in those days. We both agreed the stunts we pulled back then would be much harder to achieve in today’s school world. Nowadays, a fully credentialed staff member would be have to be present; closely supervising everything in order for the Pep Band idea to even be approved by administration.
The school environment seems much more controlled now than it was when I was growing up. Same goes for most environments involving anybody younger than college-age.
And I’m not sure that’s good.
Is it safer? Yes.
Does it help prevent the type of delinquency I participated in? Yes.
Does it make for the development of better adults?
I’m not sure.
As inappropriate and irresponsible as some of my adolescent behaviors were, I had the opportunity to make my own decisions, reap my own rewards, and suffer consequences I deserved.
I’m not trying to condone my past behavior, but I am glad I had the chance to learn from a wide range of experiences; experiences that almost always took place when adult supervision was either lax or missing altogether.
These days it sometimes seems like our kids are overprotected from themselves. The best way to learn is often by screwing up or failing, and I’m not sure we’re giving our kids enough opportunity to do that without the safety restraint of ever-present parents and chaperones .
Am I saying we should we give teenagers “enough rope to hang themselves”?
No. But maybe the leash should be long enough that they can run a good bit before it chokes them back.
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I have a band story that resulted in me shorting out the building that included the Band, area wing of the building, and knocking a maintenance guy across the hall as he sought to remedy the situation. 1968.
Smart and able kids need to know when to ignore adults. Those that can only learn what they are taught, though, must surrender to them. Thus, your means of learning is valid, but not for most people. They just don’t pay attention in the moment well enough – until after…..
Thanks for reading and commenting – point well taken. Wow- what a story!
Great story and point, Todd. It strikes me that those of you in pep band earned a good bit of leash and privilege. You worked hard on those performances and by showing up — and clearly did fine on the rest.
“These days it sometimes seems like our kids are overprotected from themselves. ” I think you’re right about this. The other day my kids were out front with saws and I’d stepped inside. An adult walking by said something to them like, “be careful with those.” I laughed when they told me – and also knew that they mostly were careful. And that the saws weren’t big enough or sharp enough to do any major damage to themselves or anything else. But I see a lot of parents not willing to let kids learn that way.
A thought provoking post. Thank you!
Thanks Wynne!
Haha I can imagine your kids thinking “this person thinks we don’t know to be careful with a saw?! Of course we know!”
I also think this lack of opportunity to learn by taking risks and failing shows up in the classroom. When I was teaching, kids seemed to be less and less willing to take chances and be wrong over the years.
I agree!! Enough leeway to fail and goof around and then self-correct. I was part of a rogue group of crossing guards (self-appointed) with access to the entire school before and after hours. We just let ourselves in, LOL, grabbed our safety vests and gear and did our jobs. Thanks so much for the fun memory of those free-wheeling days! 🥰😉🥰
Lol- a rogue group of self appointed crossing guards sounds like an awesome adventure!! 😎😎😁 They must have been good times!
Oh my goodness, yes. Doing our jobs, helping the little ones cross safely and then stealing kisses in all of those secret corners you mentioned. Ah…youth! 😜🥰😜
😂👍
You make such a great point about not giving our kids the opportunity to make mistakes, and be independent. My daughter works in a university residence and some of the stories she tells me about the students and their helicopter parents make me shake my head. I don’t think they’re doing their kids any favours.
Geez- no independence even at college 😱
I know about some parents over controlling their children by calling them all the time. Where are you? When will you come home? Who are you with? What are you doing? And they wouldn’t accept their children mistakes or misbehaving. Their children are just perfect, and they would address harshly to the teachers at school for any remarks or bad notes. One friend of mine had a job opening and one girl went with her mother to the job interview. These are the adults we are growing up. Thank you for this thought provoking post Todd!
Thanks Cristiana- I’ve met a bunch of those types of parents in my teaching days- a total pain to everyone and they aren’t doing their kids any favors either. 😕
Agreed! As a parent, it’s a struggle to give your kids opportunities to fail when all you you want to do is keep them safe. But, how do they learn to self-regulate and make good choices if they don’t have chances to test the waters? And, how boring would it be if they didn’t have ‘when I was young’ stories to tell?!
Ah yes- the ‘when I was young’ stories are great! I loved hearing them from my parents and my kids loved hearing them from me.
Thanks Gwen!
At the moment I am reading the biography of Bruce Springsteen, “Burn to Run.”
In his writing from his youth period, I read ( between the lines) the same topic you are touching on in your post.
Even though there is some age difference between the two of you.
But yes, society has changed a lot in a very short time and how healthy it is for our young people today is a fundamental question you raise, Todd. As always, it’s a good read. Thanks
Thanks Parisa- I bet the Springsteen bio is very interesting! 😎