Single and ready to mingle
An interrupted delay on my journey to the city center has turned it from a simple journey, into an expedition to the center of the Earth.
“How about instead using the extra time to write a blog post instead of stressing?”
I take out my mobile phone and start typing. I let the words flow, inspired by “Hypnotic Writing” by Joe Vitale.
“Everything was different when I was younger” is the first sentence that comes.
“Ouch, am I so old that I have started using this expression?”
Back in time, I reacted every time I heard that phrase. I saw the world through a different lense with fewer years in my luggage, never weighed my choices. I did whatever occurred to me, exactly what I felt like and it was utterly foreign to me to think about the consequences. At 50, I have become aware of the power of choice. I mean, options on all levels. For example, what is happening in my inner radar or internal dialogue or the practical choices in everyday life, to name a few.
Everything in life is about choice, and this post is about me deciding. Hoping for god knows what. You might know what I mean if you’ve lived in the northern hemisphere.
I give in to the modern world
Many months of darkness do something physiologically to your body, so when spring hits, you feel finally alive. In Norwegian, they call it “våryr”, meaning euphoria experienced as a bodily sensation or a kind of existential well-being. Everything awakens in life, and in this case, the longing or wanting to become one with another human being. This spring, I took a giant leap and invited the modern world in. I chose to do something I don’t really believe in—online dating.
If I’m completely honest, I’m a fan of the good old-fashioned method of exploration and face-to-face meetings.
Still, I created a profile and chose some photos to show a little about myself. I even stole a quote from Pablo Picasso and published it on my profile.
“I’d like to live like a poor woman, only with lots of money. “Admittedly, I have replaced the man with a woman. Was it an attempt to be funny or to pique curiosity? Both, if I am honest, because there was some truth to that quote. If I were rich, I would not have used the money to buy expensive things or flaunt it for status, but I would enjoy the freedom that came with it. Freedom in the form of time. I would use that time to focus on my projects without having to share my energy constantly.
Nothing comes for free in our physical world. If we want to fulfil our visions and dreams, self-discipline and dedication are necessary. Meaning choosing something over something else. This concept was reinforced quickly by trying online dating. Sitting and looking at pictures of available male candidates was both time-consuming and demotivating. I replied to some and deleted others immediately. The whole process confirmed what I had feared. How impersonal connecting behind a screen can be. Being single and ready to mingle had made me become a part of that impersonal world.
Intuition or fear?
I shortlisted the impersonal contacts. Like those who offered themselves as lovers after a few exchanges of sentences. All those requests for cuddling made me wonder if we live in a world with a deep longing for intimacy, which is mistaken for sexuality by many?
There was one I kind of liked and was supposed to meet, but suddenly he wanted me to dress a certain way for our first date. An internal alarm bell started ringing loudly, maybe more than usual because we hadn’t even met yet. Do you understand what I mean? Had we met,I might have seen other sides of him than what he conveyed.
To cut a long story short, I started dating in the end. I felt vibrations, excitement, joy, and pleasure, but after just a few weeks of dating, a strong instinct told me exactly what this relationship would look like in the future.
A huge question, but since I am so sensitive, I felt the answer throughout my entire body, and I chose to end the short spring flirtation before I became addicted to it.
The situation raised the following question.
“How do I distinguish between intuition and fear?” Or, as my fellow writer Troy Headrick asks: “Is intuition the greatest type of knowing?”
If there is anything I am sure of, life is about making choices. The more mature I become, the more aware I am of what I am willing to invest in and let into my private sphere.
How about you? What do you think about making choices?