Single and ready to mingle
An interrupted delay on my journey to the city center has turned it from a simple journey, into an expedition to the center of the Earth.
“How about instead using the extra time to write a blog post instead of stressing?”
I take out my mobile phone and start typing. I let the words flow, inspired by “Hypnotic Writing” by Joe Vitale.
“Everything was different when I was younger” is the first sentence that comes.
“Ouch, am I so old that I have started using this expression?”
Back in time, I reacted every time I heard that phrase. I saw the world through a different lense with fewer years in my luggage, never weighed my choices. I did whatever occurred to me, exactly what I felt like and it was utterly foreign to me to think about the consequences. At 50, I have become aware of the power of choice. I mean, options on all levels. For example, what is happening in my inner radar or internal dialogue or the practical choices in everyday life, to name a few.
Caroline Myss, a teacher I often listen to and respect, talks a lot about the power of choice.
Everything in life is about choice, and this post is about me deciding. Hoping for god knows what. You might know what I mean if you’ve lived in the northern hemisphere.
I give in to the modern world
Many months of darkness do something physiologically to your body, so when spring hits, you feel finally alive. In Norwegian, they call it “våryr”, meaning euphoria experienced as a bodily sensation or a kind of existential well-being. Everything awakens in life, and in this case, the longing or wanting to become one with another human being. This spring, I took a giant leap and invited the modern world in. I chose to do something I don’t really believe in—online dating.
If I’m completely honest, I’m a fan of the good old-fashioned method of exploration and face-to-face meetings.
Still, I created a profile and chose some photos to show a little about myself. I even stole a quote from Pablo Picasso and published it on my profile.
“I’d like to live like a poor woman, only with lots of money. “Admittedly, I have replaced the man with a woman. Was it an attempt to be funny or to pique curiosity? Both, if I am honest, because there was some truth to that quote. If I were rich, I would not have used the money to buy expensive things or flaunt it for status, but I would enjoy the freedom that came with it. Freedom in the form of time. I would use that time to focus on my projects without having to share my energy constantly.
Nothing comes for free in our physical world. If we want to fulfil our visions and dreams, self-discipline and dedication are necessary. Meaning choosing something over something else. This concept was reinforced quickly by trying online dating. Sitting and looking at pictures of available male candidates was both time-consuming and demotivating. I replied to some and deleted others immediately. The whole process confirmed what I had feared. How impersonal connecting behind a screen can be. Being single and ready to mingle had made me become a part of that impersonal world.
Intuition or fear?
I shortlisted the impersonal contacts. Like those who offered themselves as lovers after a few exchanges of sentences. All those requests for cuddling made me wonder if we live in a world with a deep longing for intimacy, which is mistaken for sexuality by many?
There was one I kind of liked and was supposed to meet, but suddenly he wanted me to dress a certain way for our first date. An internal alarm bell started ringing loudly, maybe more than usual because we hadn’t even met yet. Do you understand what I mean? Had we met,I might have seen other sides of him than what he conveyed.
To cut a long story short, I started dating in the end. I felt vibrations, excitement, joy, and pleasure, but after just a few weeks of dating, a strong instinct told me exactly what this relationship would look like in the future.
A huge question, but since I am so sensitive, I felt the answer throughout my entire body, and I chose to end the short spring flirtation before I became addicted to it.
The situation raised the following question.
“How do I distinguish between intuition and fear?” Or, as my fellow writer Troy Headrick asks: “Is intuition the greatest type of knowing?”
If there is anything I am sure of, life is about making choices. The more mature I become, the more aware I am of what I am willing to invest in and let into my private sphere.
How about you? What do you think about making choices?
You can also read the The Secret of Love on my personal blog: People Life Politics and Bullshit
I think the power of choice is often overlooked. I often remind myself that instead of saying “I have to…”, I should stay “I choose to…”. It makes all the difference.
I don’t envy you venturing into the world of online dating. I’ve been married almost 30 years and can’t even imagine it. If I ever find myself unexpectedly single, I think I would just stay that way.
Yes! Louise Hay was a big supporter of the phrase “I choose to” and eliminate “I should” from our vocabulary. I listen to her audio tapes often and this is a mantra of hers.
Wow. You have been married for 30 years.
I would love to hear what you think is the key to such cohesion over so many years, with probably a bit of everything.
I admire those who have worked through life’s ups and downs and choose to keep together.
And when it comes to the power of choice, I got into it because I started noticing how increasingly demanding it has become to make choices. ( the advantage of maturity)
I see how all my options have consequences. Even the way I talk to myself or about other people. ( as an example)
Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting.
It’s not the first time I’ve been asked that. Honestly, I don’t think there’s any one secret or key. I put a lot of it down to letting a lot of little things go and not sweating the small stuff. I suppose that goes back to “I choose to not get worked up over things I won’t care about a year, or even a day, from now.”
In other words, choosing the battles carefully
( as a Norwegian expression says). Once again, thank you for sharing.
To be continued… the dating hustle and bustle! And WOW, I love your feedback on my blog’s name. Thank you for that. And thanks for reading the post.
Learning to trust your intuition without ignoring cold, hard facts is an art that comes with wisdom gained by life experience, in my opinion.
I’m on this same journey.
Fear is ever present but intuition is our compass to seek out more or different thoughts, philosophies or actions.
Ultimately, if you feel off, you already know what to do. That’s intuition giving you guidance.
Having said that, do I do the right thing, follow my internal compass, every time my intuition guides me? Rings alarm bells? Activates fear-based re-actions?
Hell no. I’m still learning. 🥴
I completely agree with you. Trusting our wisdom, intuition, or inner compass comes with life experience—some of the benefits of growing up then.
The more I listen to my intuition, follow its guidance, and see its result through practical life, the more I trust it.
And when it comes to doubt, as long as we are in a human body, doubt will always be with us. At least, those are my thoughts.
It might be a good idea to look at doubt face to face but give it little space.
I would love to hear how you distinguish between fear and intuition? If you want to share.
By the way, thanks for stopping by, reading the post, and sharing your reflections.
I have many thoughts about fear. I’ll give it some thought and let you know when or where I post them. 😊
Ok. Looking forward to that.
Wow, this really resonated with me, “I saw the world through a different lense with fewer years in my luggage, never weighed my choices. I did whatever occurred to me, exactly what I felt like and it was utterly foreign to me to think about the consequences. At 50, I have become aware of the power of choice.”
Right! And I think I’m glad of that awareness even though it means I don’t jump in feet first to things any more. What an interesting exploration of choice. Thank you!
Right? Isn’t life exciting when we see it from a learning perspective?
And I am having a good laugh here (…. even though it means I do not jump…)
I resonate so much with that.
I’ve also stopped jumping ( almost), but then I’m more content with life in general, even though there is less jumping than before. Thank you for your comment Wynne, by the way, and for sharing your thoughts.
This is not the main point of your post (although, good luck to you on your dating journey!) but I feel compelled to say that People Life Politics And Bullshit is the best blog name / blogger handle ever
To be continued… the hustle and bustle of dating!
And WOW, I love your feedback on my blog’s name. Thank you for that. And thanks for reading the post and commenting on it.
Super interesting post- especially the concept of spring euphoria. I live in the mid Atlantic/US and I get some of that feeling every spring, but I can imagine how much more powerful it would be living in a place where winter is much darker than it is here.
Do you have four distinct seasons as well?
Living in a country with four seasons is the same as living in harmony with nature’s cycles. Thank you for your comment on the post.
We do have four distinct seasons, although our winters are getting shorter😕
I think that life is all about making choices, if you want to have your own life and not a life designed by others. I love the idea of listening to music while reading and the song is beautiful.
Exactly!! Otherwise we Will remain trapped. I am happy that you liked the song and idea of listening to music while reading. Thanks for commenting.
So many good thoughts here! Spring, renewal, awakening, choices, positivity! I love all these topics!
Dating? That’s a topic I shy away from.
Online dating? Haven’t jumped in. I saw ads for those online sites, and the profile photos of men my age were good looking and every-day Joe guys. The reality, when I took a peek? The men looked like they were newly out of jail, alcoholics or meth addicts, appeared jobless looking for a Sugar-Mamma. If they seemed interested in women my age, it was to be financially supported, but most were looking for women in the age bracket that a certain aging actor who may have starred on the Titanic, look for! *sigh* !!
Thank you, Tamara, and good morning from Oslo. Your description makes me smile from ear to ear in the early morning while preparing for work.
I experienced looking at pictures in the same way. And I like it so little. Photos can lie many times, no?
I wish you a nice day or evening, regardless of where you are. And thanks for reading, sharing your thoughts and commenting.
This is a brilliant post and I am happy for you that you have made that choice. I get the fear and intuition scenario. I’ve been single 5 years for the first time in my whole life and its been liberating but I find myself starting to get ready , but the fear that comes with online dating is quite high! I’m sure when the time is right and I choose to be ready to mingle , I will know.
Thank you very much for your feedback and your words. Yes, Online dating is a separate world unto itself. I found out I’m okay with being single ( for now), even though I have not given up hope of meeting “MR HIM” in the good old-fashioned way. And good luck to you ( dating) when the right time is there.