One of the things I love most about this website, apart from the short commute, is that it is brimming with people looking for a more nourishing and kinder life for themselves and others. I applaud that. I’ve drawn inspiration from it. And I hope we all continue to.
Only problem is that sometimes people, in the their pursuit of happiness and the happiness of others, are reluctant to admit when life isn’t especially good. A positive outlook is more than important; I’d argue it’s essential to get along in the world with anything approaching happiness. But I sometimes prefer, when something is hurtful, infuriating, or inescapably sad, to call it as it is.
Life is unfair, always. Sometimes its unfairness plays out in your favor, and other times it tramples over you. I’d like to believe it evens out, but that belief denies the very fact that life is unfair. And there are moments – moments, mind you – in which not trying to find the positive is actually immensely freeing. There are some times, and those times come around more often than people would care to admit, there isn’t anything worthwhile to say. There is no silver lining. I’m not advocating we go into each of our days thinking this, but I think perhaps that wisdom is an admixture of kindness, forgiveness, and honesty.
And it’s that last one we sometimes don’t pay enough attention to. The downsides of honesty are legion, if we’re, well, honest about it. That’s why examples of it can require such courage and provoke admiration. And sometimes honesty will not permit a sunny spin on events. There are times when the way to get over something isn’t to find an upside; it’s to acknowledge there isn’t any upside. If you feel determined to find a virtue in every heartbreak, like a tool that’s being used indiscriminately, virtue itself is going to start to seem dulled a bit around its edges.
Please don’t think I’m knocking optimism. I’m only an amateur one myself, but I’m determined to improve. But I think we sometimes dilute the effectiveness of it by applying it universally.
Sometimes the best person doesn’t win. Sometimes the best person does and it isn’t you. Sometimes people stop loving you, or you stop loving them, and it feels as if you’re a mute witness to both of those events. Sometimes you need to wear that for a while before an application of happy thoughts can do any good.
Sometimes it’s best not to try to escape the pain. Let the healing begin!