I hope you enjoy this song while you read the interview.
A few words from me
This is how we met.
On a bus, coming back from a hike to Panch Pokhari. The bus was full.
Being on a Nepalese road was like being on a death road. In my mind, I kept seeing it. The bus, and all of us inside it, flying down into the river. One little mistake from the driver. Or a piece of land giving way under the wheels, and taking us with it.
So I breathed. Deeply. Again and again, I let go of the fear.
And when the fear grew too big, I looked at the faces around me. Smiling faces. Fully present faces. Without a word, they said it all: just smile, be present, let go.
That is how I found my way back to the beauty all around me.
Honestly, every time I travelled on those roads, it was like this. I even said that one day I would write a book and call it Nepal, the Country on the Edge.
Never, not even in my wildest imagination, did I see the land itself disappear. The paths I had walked. The places I had stood. A flood swept them away.
Some of the places from my trekking no longer exist. So is the border on the way to Tibet. It breaks my heart, from a distance. For those living through it, I don’t know what to say. I cannot imagine anything worse.
But back to my thread. On that bus, that’s where I met her. Let’s call her Seemah. She doesn’t want to reveal her real name for personal reasons, and I respect that. We connected, and later on we planned to do a hike together, which never happened.
But we kept in touch through social media.
After the devastating floods in Nepal, I was watching a lot of videos about the floods and the devastation they had caused. Then something about the traditional way of living popped up in one of those videos. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it stayed with me. It took me back to my own journey, my own experience of growing up in a traditional way of living.
With my origin in Iran, I grew up with tradition. I had a rebellious character and was a disobedient kid who did not agree with following something just because that was the way it was. And as we all know, disobeying in a society, no matter which one, has its own cost. Society definitely does not accept it, and it comes with a big price. Then we moved to Norway, and that change came with its own price. All of this has imprinted the way I am. Today I see that long and winding journey as a big gift, but for a long time I had to work through my own stuff to get where I am today.
Seeing that video about the traditional way of living made me reach out to Seemah. I wanted to hear her point of view on a traditional society, and I asked if I could interview her.
This is that interview.
A note from Seemah
It’s really nice to think back to how we first met on that bus journey to Kathmandu after my hike. We talked a little about our personal lives and got to know each other, although there were many things I couldn’t really talk about at the time. I’m happy to have the opportunity to share some of those things here, and I’m glad we crossed paths.
At that time, I was also looking for work and going through some struggles financially. Then an opportunity to come to Cyprus opened up for me. That’s how I ended up here to work, support myself, and hopefully build a better path for my future.
Tell us a little about yourself.
I’m in my thirties, and I’m from Nepal. I come from a poor background and had to start from a zero balance.
It’s mainly just my mother and me.
We have had a lot of ups and downs, and because of circumstances in life, we haven’t always been able to live together.
My mother worked very hard throughout her life, and she is someone I care deeply about. Since she was working in someone else’s house, she couldn’t have me with her. So at around the age of three, I ended up in an orphanage. In the orphanage I could receive free food and education. I had the basic things I needed, but emotionally it was a difficult and painful part of my childhood.
As a child, I was quite naughty and energetic. Often I felt different from the other children, and I also experienced discrimination. And most importantly, I missed the love and closeness of my mother.
I think growing up without that closeness made me search for love and acceptance throughout much of my life. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised how deeply important love, kindness, and genuine human connection are to everyone.
Despite everything, I’ve always had an adventurous side. I love hiking and exploring new places and new cultures. Bungee jumping, paragliding, boating, and other crazy things too. I like experiencing things, not just hearing about them.
Today, I live in Cyprus. I work here, taking care of an elderly woman. Coming here was not easy. I had to borrow around €4,000 to pay an agent in Nepal for the process. My salary is around €400 a month. With that, I manage my own basic expenses, help my mother with rent and food, and repay the money I borrowed.
It can be difficult. My mother is still in Nepal, and being away from her is not always easy. But I’m trying to keep moving forward and build a better future, for myself and for her.
What does a traditional way of living mean to you?
For me, a traditional way of living means following the customs and rules that come down through generations, especially within the family. One of the strongest parts of it that I experienced was the way elders expected children to respect them. We learned not to talk back to parents or older people, but to listen quietly, sometimes with our heads down, and only answer when someone asked us something.
Looking directly into an elder’s eyes while they were speaking could even seem disrespectful.
At the same time, I saw differences between rich and poor. When I was young, I sometimes felt that people treated those from poorer backgrounds differently.
So, to me, traditional living is a mixture of family values, respect for elders, cultural rules, and also some social expectations that can strongly shape how a person grows up.
What are the positive sides of living in a traditional family and society?
I think one of the biggest positive sides is the strong sense of respect and responsibility toward family. From a young age, you learn to respect your elders, listen to them, help your family, and understand that you are part of something bigger than just yourself.
Traditional families can also have a sense of community and togetherness. People often look after one another, especially during difficult times. That can give security and belonging.
What are the negative sides? Can traditions become a trap?
I think traditions can become a trap when people follow them simply because “this is how we have always done it,” without allowing anyone to question them or make their own choices. Respect for elders is important, but sometimes people misunderstand respect as never having the right to speak, disagree, or express your own feelings.
So yes, traditions can be a source of support and identity, but when they stop people from growing, speaking for themselves, or receiving equal treatment, they can become a trap.
How do traditional ways affect people’s choices?
I think traditional ways can be a very strong influence on the choices we make, especially when we grow up believing that there is only one “right” way to live. From childhood, others can teach us what kind of education we should have, what work we should do, whom we should marry, how we should behave, and what our responsibilities are toward our family.
Sometimes those expectations can guide us in a good way, but sometimes they can make us afraid to choose something different. We may have our own dreams, but we also think about what our family and relatives will say, what our neighbours will think, or whether society will accept our decision.
What is it like when you want to make your own choices, but those choices are different from what your family or society expects from you?
It can be very, very difficult, because we may feel like we are choosing between our own happiness and other people’s expectations.
Even when we know what we want, we can feel guilty because we don’t want to disappoint our family or face judgment from society.
What does it mean to be lonely within a traditional family or society?
For me, loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone. We can feel lonely surrounded by our family, because we don’t feel understood. Our heart and mind feel completely empty.
When we grow up in an environment where others expect us to stay quiet, follow instructions, and not express too much of what we feel, it can become difficult to talk about our emotions.We may have people around us, but we don’t necessarily feel that we can tell them what is really happening inside us.
That is why I believe love and emotional connection are just as important as food, education, and a place to live.
How do you see the balance between tradition and modern life? What do you think we gain from tradition, and what might we need to let go of?
I don’t think we have to completely choose between tradition and modern life. I believe we should keep the parts of tradition that make us better human beings, like respect, family, kindness, responsibility, caring for elders, and remembering where we come from.
But I also think we need to let go of traditions that create fear, discrimination, inequality, or prevent people from making their own choices. The world is changing, and people are changing with it.
For me, the balance is simple: keep the values that bring love and dignity into people’s lives, but don’t keep something only because it is old. Tradition should help people grow, not stop them from becoming who they are.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
My country has recently gone through a very painful time because of the landslides and flooding. The amount of mud and water was devastating, and it was heartbreaking to see people losing their homes, their loved ones, and in some cases, their entire lives. I don’t think anyone imagined that such a terrible situation could happen.
It also reminded me how unpredictable life can be. People are being born every day, and people are leaving this world every day. We don’t know how much time we have, so while we are here, I believe we should try to live with kindness, respect, and love.
Culture is not only about the clothes we wear, the customs we follow, or how we behave toward elders. We should also create culture through the way we treat one another, the way we speak, the kindness we show, and whether we are willing to help someone who is struggling with loneliness, depression, or anything else.
After everything I’ve experienced, I don’t want to live a life based on fear, judgment, or what other people expect. I want to live with happiness, compassion, and an open heart. If we can leave even a little kindness behind in the lives of other people, I think that is something truly meaningful.
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I’m Parisa, and this is not my only home online. I write at People, Life, Politics and Bullshit, and I’m the founder of Health and Movement, where holistic movement helps people stop performing and start hearing their own voice again.
My book, The Silver Route – Via de la Plata, is now out on Amazon. It grew out of a 1,000-kilometre walk where I experienced how some patterns we have to walk through, and cannot think through. Find me on Instagram most days, or let my Spotify playlist move what words can’t.