Two days ago, I was in the car with my friend on the way to listen to a book reading. As we drove, my friend commented on how observant my four-year-old son is. It immediately sparked some stories about conversations we have when he’s riding in the back seat of the car. Like on a recent frosty morning when we passed a baseball field and he said, “The grass is sparkly.” Or on a dark evening as we were driving home and he said, “I see the moon.” And then a moment later, “And it’s following us!”
Then my friend and I arrived and went in to hear David Brooks speak about his new book, “How To Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” He was telling us of his journey from living in his head to living in his heart and he did it largely through stories.
He made the quip that Columbia, Wesleyan, and Brown decided he should attend the University of Chicago. And then another story about his friend who decided to become a boxing legend the University of Chicago way – by reading a book about it.
Brooks recounted a story about being a big baseball fan and never catching a fly ball. But then during one game about 15 years ago he was at a game with his young son and Brooks caught a shattered bat. Which he said is way better than a ball. And instead of standing up and celebrating with all those around him, he put it at his feet, and went on watching the game. Later on, he reflected on his observational detachment, “C’mon buddy. Feel a little joy!”
He told the story about when he knew he had descended too much into being a workaholic – when his silverware drawer only held post it notes. And the cupboard for plates? Stationary.
He went on to speak more in-depth about how we can see those around us a little better. He believes that our consistent little actions in how we treat others drive both our own happiness and the overall function of society.
“There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen – to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”
How to Know a Person by David Brooks
And Brooks believes seen another is creative,
“Seeing someone well is a powerfully creative act. No one can fully appreciate their own beauty and strengths unless those things are mirrored back to them in the mind of another.”
How To Know a Person by David Brooks
One of the things I walked away wondering is whether writers, authors, bloggers, creatives, have an edge in seeing. We prepare and present the stories that we relay to the world. All the stories that David Brooks told were great. And then I thought of the conversation in the car on the way down about my son and the data I gathered and presented about who he was through story.
Here’s my question. The more I write, the more I find I have a story at the ready. The better I might be at collecting other people’s stories. Does that extend to being better at seeing and being seen?
I’ve published a related post about the different ways we see things on my personal blog: Creating Eyes that See
Please check out these other items of interest:
More about Wynne Leon and her story-telling journey
Workshop about creativity jump start that I delivered with Dr. Vicki Atkinson
Speaking and workshops on leadership through creativity to build resilient teams
Podcast about the how and why of creativity
Articles and corporate creativity resources
Corporate evaluate your team needs for creativity
Individual creativity survey for individuals
My book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.
You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @wynneleon
(featured photo from Pexels)
I like your question…the more you write, the more you see…are willing to BE seen. That rings true for me. And thanks for sharing about your experience at the David Brooks reading — I enjoy him very much and hadn’t heard much about his latest book. Thanks, Wynne! 🥰
That’s how it feels to me too – so I’m grateful that you echoed that. I’ve only read the first chapter so I can’t talk much about it – but as you know, it’s fun to see/hear him in person!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes….it was several years ago but he was captivating! 😎
I like Vicki’s take on the writing and seeing being a cit cyclic… that’s certainly how it feels for me.
🥰❤️🥰
Beautiful, tender messages here. My vote is a resounding “YES!” When we take/make the time to see another human being, we begin that spiritual and magical process of connection. Ever more critical now as social media offers only “slices” of people, self-describing in clever phrases that elbow their way to others’ attention. Being seen is tricky for many, however. Older women can become invisible … Although I have a platform, my working hypothesis is that family, faith and a community circle are still foundational. Certainly are for me. Blessings this holiday season and always to you and yours, lovely lady!
Oh, I love what you say about family, faith and a community circle being foundational. Yes! Sending blessings to you, dear friend!! I’m so grateful for you!
By attempting to convey someone else’s experiences and perspectives through stories, one might be able to cultivate a more nuanced understanding of them. Thanks for sharing .
Great point about nuanced understanding. Right – we have to see them in full view in order to write. Wonderful, muktaverma!
I just finished reading Victoria’s post about her favorite writer and as I scrolled through my WP feed to the next post- I asked myself who my favorite author is. It’s David Brooks. Then I open your post and there you are talking about him! 🤯 Wild!
I’m jealous but happy that you got to hear him! 🙂
Look at that little bit of synchronicity! Yes, it was super cool to be able to see/hear him. He’s a great author! Happy Thanksgiving, Todd!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Well written!
Thank you!
So many thoughts.
We all have the possibility of a different “see” in every moment.
Once you get a see, be aware of the vibe, which is the next step past the recognition of the see.
What if you have never been seen by anyone else except as you went past?
Many more, but what about those?
What an interesting point about the next step of the vibe. Thank you!
I do agree that writers “see” things more than others. Or maybe se see things that others don’t notice?
Ah yes – it pays to be observant as a writer, doesn’t it, Elizabeth!
👍🏼
Love your questions. I think it’s so, the more we write, the more we see, the more we think about stories and how they touch others. That’s my two cents . . . but I’m biased. Ha, ha.
I think we all might be biased on this platform. But Brian, this reminds me of your excellent point of the three-dimensional viewpoint!
See Wynne, the way I see it is that you could have written the book because you’re so good at the art of seeing others—else, how would you see so much and write so well?
Well, dear Julia. The way that I see it is that you are the best cheerleader and encourager on the planet. David Brooks talks about illuminators and diminishers. You are an amazing illuminator – you make others feel as if they could be their best selves. Thank you, my friend. I’m so grateful for you!
Another enlightening post Wynne. I think you would be very good at collecting other people’s stories. About Brooks, what he says that “our consistent little actions in how we treat others drive both our own happiness and the overall function of society” is thought provoking. But unfortunately it is for the good and the bad.
For the good and the bad – right, Cristiana. I take comfort in that on the days that things seem to be tipping towards the bad. Because while I can’t affect war and abuse, perhaps I can at least send out a ripple of consideration and calm?
Thank you for the thought-provoking comment.
Sure, and you do it very well!
See and be seen. Yes to both. 🙏
What is in one it is in all and when we give, how much do we learn about ourselves? I believe that when humanity understands that what is in one is in all we relate to giving and receiving on a new level. Thanks for this post 🙏and reminder, Wynne.
Oh, what a lovely comment, Parisa. What is in one is in all. So good!
I really love this
Beautiful write up 🙏