Today I came across this idea that got stuck in my head: we give what we want to receive. The problem with this is that there are times when it creates more damage instead of doing good. Why? Because people are different and they have different needs.
It manifests the most when there is some sort of carrying relationship between the giver and the receiver. Here is an example: imagine that a husband comes home from work and he’s a little pissed for what happened there during the day. His wife notices that he’s upset and starts to ask what happened and why he is mad because for her this is a way to show her caring. There are times when men don’t want to talk about their problems so he is not answering. Maybe he tries to calm down so he can forget what happened. Also, he doesn’t want to transfer the problem to his wife. For him, it’s a symbol of caring. The wife takes his silence as an ignoring sign and she gets mad so she either expresses that anger or she gets into a silent corner as well. She thinks that her husband doesn’t care about her. As you can see, they both care about each other, but they have different ways to show it.
Each of those two from my example are offering their way of caring. That’s how they would like to be treated… that’s what they would like to receive from their partner, but they’re getting stuck in their own way because of the lack of perspective. When we would like to give something to others, we should think about what they would like to receive. Sometimes they would like the same thing as we do, but sometimes they don’t and our “gifts” might create conflicts…
How often do you consider other people’s needs when you’re the giver?