The mom of one of my dearest friends passed away recently. I’ve known this family for almost 50 years, so she was like a second mom to me as well. Because her death was expected, I’d been dancing with grief for a couple of weeks before it actually happened. But even so, when I heard the news, a heaviness settled onto me.
It was sadness that this amazing woman was gone. But it was also empathy for my friend and her family. And then that touched the deep ache I feel missing my beloved father. Then I experienced a tinge of guilt thinking about my own experience when they are the ones grieving. By this time in life, when I feel something deep and rooted such as grief it’s like a string of Christmas lights – plug it in and they all light up.
In the past, I would have coped by trying to throw this string of Christmas lights into a bin with all my other strings of unsorted Christmas lights. When tossed in with the string that is all my unfinished tasks and pressures related to work, and the string that is all the feelings I have about what I’m doing or not doing well with family, what could go wrong?
Wait – that was a rhetorical question – don’t answer it. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Maya Angelou
But fortunately, now I cope through writing. I write it out. I wrote a tribute to this delightful second mom, this piece about not letting things get tangled, even just a list of the things I want to do to embody from those I grieve for. Putting words to all of these things helps me to untangle the string of lights so that I can put it away in some order.
As I stumble along putting sentences together, it helps me to feel along the chain to find the power source.
Finding the right word is akin to testing all the light bulbs along the way. I get to try many choices but only the right fit will light up.
The process about writing about my experience slows me down so that I am mindful of what is meaningful to me.
Sure, I feel it more when I write about it, whatever it is that is my current string of lights. That makes it a difficult practice at times. I have to overcome my resistance to leaning in to discover what I’m wrestling with. But when I do, I find my lights shine brighter.
Because it’s not that I won’t ever use this string of lights attached to the beautiful memory of my second mom again. It’s that I want to be untangled enough so that when I am reminded of her, I don’t find myself yelling at my kids, or yanking the dog’s leash in frustration because I haven’t sorted out that I’m sad.
That’s what writing helps me do. What about you?
I’ve republished one of my all-time favorite posts on my personal blog: My Love Affair With Words
Please check out these other items of interest:
More about Wynne Leon and her story-telling journey
Workshop about creativity jump start that I delivered with Dr. Vicki Atkinson
Speaking and workshops on leadership through creativity to build resilient teams
Podcast about the how and why of creativity
Articles and corporate creativity resources
Corporate evaluate your team needs for creativity
Individual creativity survey for individuals
My book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.
You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @wynneleon
(featured photo from Pexels)