While I was mining through my mind for something to write about, a certain situation came through. A few months ago there was this time when I went for groceries with my wife. It was such a sunny and beautiful day, but I felt like sh*t inside and I caught myself having the following thought: “I hate this beautiful day.” I’ve told this to my wife and she was like “WTF is wrong with you?” and it made me ask myself the same thing.
Actually, it was not something wrong. I had a hard time because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and because of this lack of goals my anxiety level was higher than an elephant (you know, it’s hard to fit an elephant into a human). So I wondered what does this have to do with the weather outside. This question brought into my mind other situations from the past when I couldn’t wait to rain. Why? Apparently I was projecting my state into the weather. If I was feeling good, I loved the sunny weather and I hated the rain, but if I was feeling bad, it was the other way around. Whenever my inner state matched the weather, I felt something strange. I felt like my feelings were validated. I felt like I was understood.
For me it was true the saying that our reality is just a mirror for our inner state. When we have a filter on, we are searching for reasons to validate it and maybe to keep it.
“Oh, God, we are fascinating entities.” – Me
Have you ever experienced something like this?