If we really think about it, where do most of the negative feelings come from? What triggers them? In my opinion, it’s a matter of communication. Either if we talk to other people or we talk to ourselves, we need to be specific in our speech so the message is proper transmitted. This increases the chances for it to be proper understood.
But what does a better communication really mean? It means that we use words to express our ideas without letting the other person to fill out the blanks with their assumptions. Of course, they will still interpret the message, but they cannot use words we never used (at least, in theory). A better communication also means that we don’t assume the message others try to say. We ask questions to find out the answers, in case we have any. And we should have because the more we know, the better understanding we can have. The knowledge comes from learning, not from assuming.
In my opinion, this assumption thing is what triggers most of the negative feelings. Some people say something, we fill out the blanks, we assume that we understood what the other said and we get angry if the message doesn’t match our core beliefs (or it does match and we don’t want to admit it). And fear has a big role here. We sometimes get scared of what others might assume, but we don’t want to communicate or rephrase our speech/message. Why? Because we assume others will understand something we never said. And instead of saying whatever we have to say, we sit quiet in fear waiting for our fears to become a reality. The thing is that we don’t need for those fears to become a reality and most of the time, they never do.
F – False
E – Expectations
A – Appearing
R – Real
Fear and lack of communication do a great job in screwing with our heads, but what can we do?