Hi there!
Today’s topic is forgiveness. More specifically, an interesting way I realized it can happen. I will not be concerned with the definition of forgiveness here. However you define it, this post should apply.
I would think that forgiveness happens if you explicitly address an issue. That is what I did for most of my life. I had an issue with someone. Some time later, I would go and meditate on that and forgive that person (I believe this process is known as cord-cutting). After this session, I would genuinely feel neutral towards the issue. The resentment or anger would be gone. However, I realized this week that I forgave someone that I had a big issue with without really doing anything about it. I tried the method I just mentioned many times before and it did not work. I could not forgive. I still felt the resentment and anger to some level. Then, I stopped thinking about it and accepted that I would carry the resentment with me (which is unusual for me, because I tend to forgive bad incidents with people so that I don;’t have to carry the weight of anger and resentment). But the issue came up in a discussion this week and I noticed I didn’t feel anything bad anymore. I was surprised. How and when did this happen? I was even cherishing the good times I had with this person, whereas before the bad times made me unable to do that.
I thought about this a bit this week. I still don’t know how this happened. An idea is that maybe I really focused on my own life and came to a place where I am generally satisfied with who I am and where I am. Maybe that helped me drop the unwanted because what is the point of it? Maybe I kept the resentment for that long because one part of me wanted to get approval in some way (approval of suffering? need to be seen or noticed?) and now I no longer need any approval, so the resentment just dropped. However it happened, though, I am very happy that it did. I feel much lighter.
Have you experienced something like this before? If so, did you figure out why and how this happens? Let’s discuss uninitiated forgiveness today.
I wonder if men are better at this than women. I have the hardest time forgiving. Issues linger and regurgitate them at night which keeps me up. May be I am an anomaly. Would love to wave a magic wand which would diminish the actions ( or lack thereof) that hurt me and allow them to just roll off into infinity to never surface again. May be one day I’ll experience your miracle
Maybe men are better at this in general, not sure. But it is possible for us too. it just takes a bit longer
Betul, though I never expressed it to them in words, I forgave my parents for the childhood traumas they inflicted on me. This is, I believe, one of the milestones in growing up. Most parents love their children and do their best, but no one is perfect.
Forgiveness, in general, is liberating. <3
Oh yes! That is an important one! Very liberating indeed!
I think when we are going through a situation, it might seem much bigger than it actually is. After walking away a few miles, resentments are nothing but tiny roadblocks in our otherwise smooth journey. So it makes sense to let go of them and move on towards a happier life. And yes when I am satisfied with my journey no matter whoever wronged me, it is much easier to forgive and forget. They simply do not matter enough to carry the unnecessary burden of anger or resentment.
Maybe being happy with yourself really helps!
What a nice explanation!
yes a chip on my shoulder
this too shall pass
It will!
In times where I have been wronged, I didn’t wait for an apology. Would it be sincere? Would I feel 100% whole? Probably not. I somehow just let it go. It’s not to say I forget, but I can move on with my life without carrying a burden. Why would I let another person take away my happiness.
Well, that’s just me, life can complicated.
Logically, it makes sense. But I generally found it harder to actually do that. Kudos to you!
How often do people end up hating others because they are unhappy with themselves and it is easier to shift the blame?
Good question
perhaps your instinct took over without your brain getting in the way.
Maybe
Thank you Betul. I know what it’s like to carry a charge from carrying a resentment. And it is freeing when we let the baggage go.
It is very liberating!
Forgiveness to me is not holding onto anger anymore. I’m not forgetting, I’m not a doormat, I just choose to let go of the situation. Sometimes that takes time. The more distance I get from it, the better I am at handling it
Agreed. Some influencer was referring to forgiveness as neutrality. Getting rid of anger and resentment, but nor necessarily forgetting. As you said, sometimes, we should not forget.
Absolutely!
Thank you, Betul, for sharing this post about forgiveness. I’m glad that you feel lighter!